"That Would Be Weird"

Story Sent in by Teresa:

On our first date, Larry and I talked, over dinner, about our respective families. As it's the smartphone age, we showed each other pictures of those about whom we spoke, to put faces to names, and such. At one point, after I flashed past a photo of myself and my cousins (in which I was wearing jean shorts), he said, "Whoa, those are your shorts?"

I flicked back to the photo. Indeed, it was a shot of me in my jean shorts that went down to just above my knees. I said, "Yes. Like them?"

He replied, "You wear those in front of your family?"

I said, "Yeah. There's nothing risque about them. On family holidays, I've worn bikinis in front of my family."

"Holy dogshit," he said, "Really?"

"Yeah. It's just my family."

He stared at the photo for enough time for me to say, "Okay, moving on..." and then I flicked to a few more photos, gave them brief explanations, and then put my phone away.

"I still can't get over you and those shorts," he said, "Are they comfortable?"

"Yeah."

"They look it. Do they press tight against your skin?"

I had a feeling where this was going. I said, "They're just like any other shorts. Nothing super amazing about them." To move the conversation along, I said with a smile, "Maybe I should ask you about your shorts."

"Well, that's why I'm asking," he said, "If they're that comfortable, then maybe I should, I don't know, try them on. If you wouldn't mind letting me borrow them."

Whatever smile I bore likely vanished there and then.

He went on, "I mean, I'd wash them. I wouldn't just sweat in them after a few jogs around the block and hand them back to you sweaty."

I didn't reply, and he kept digging himself into the hole: "Or like, if you lent me your bikini and I wore it, I mean, I wouldn't just hand it back with hairs and stuff sticking out of it. I'd wash it, of course I'd wash it. So, what do you think?"

"You want to borrow my... shorts...?"

"Do you see anything wrong with that?"

I suddenly had lost my appetite. "Quite a few things. I'd rather not... I don't usually lend out my clothes to... people... er... who aren't me."

He nodded. "Yeah. More of a second-date thing. I gotcha."

We moved on to other topics, but at one point he did say, "If you don't let me borrow them, I could always go out and grab a pair for myself. I just thought, this would be free and risk... free."

"Yup."

"They just look like really comfy shorts. It's not like I'm, you know, asking you to, you know, model your shorts over your bikini and then take off your shorts and bikini so I could try them all on at once. I mean, that would be weird."

"We should get the check. I'm kind of tired, all of a sudden."

He insisted on paying for dinner. I thanked him and we parted ways. He called to ask me out again, but I told him that we'd likely be better off with other people, and he took it just fine.