Tit for Tat

Story Sent in by Christina:

Andrew and I met online, spoke for a while, and finally made it out to a first date dinner at a very fancy restaurant. It was one of those places where they had one server for the drinks, one for appetizers, one for the main course, and a different one for dessert.

Let me put out there that I didn't ask him to take me to that place: he had offered it.

"I can't get over this place," I remember telling him, not long after sitting down. He smiled, and the first server handed us the menus. As soon as I opened mine, my heart nearly stopped. $29 for the cheapest appetizer? Main courses upwards of $200?

I glanced up at Andrew, whose eyes, staring at the menu, seemed to be bugging out of their sockets.

I said, "Oh my God... we don't have to eat here. It'll be close to a thousand-dollar check, and that's even if we skip dessert!"

Andrew looked like a condemned prisoner. He said, "No, no. I said we should go here, and we'll do it."

His use of "we" made me wonder if that meant that he wanted us to split the check. I'd have been 100% okay with leaving that place, going somewhere cheaper, and splitting things. However, as a 20-something with rent and bills to pay, spending over a month's budget of food on a single dinner struck me as ludicrous.

I said, "I can't afford to spend this much. Seriously. Let's go."

"We're not going anywhere," he said, scanning the menu and not looking at me. "If you can't afford to help, then I'll have to pay for it all. Nothing to worry about."

I felt like he was letting his pride overwhelm his good sense. From what I knew of him (he was a public school teacher), he wasn't super-wealthy, or even sort-of-wealthy. There was really no need at all for him, or really anyone, to spend that much on dinner.

"Really," I said, "I appreciate the sentiment, but I honest to God won't care if we go somewhere else." Honestly, if he had chosen to go someplace else, I guarantee I would've found that far more attractive than what he did next.

He pointed to a duck dish on the menu and said, "Have you looked at that? That looks good." Had he not heard a word I had just said? He took his menu back and groaned and moaned, likely at the prices.

The drink waiter came by and we both ordered waters. The appetizer waiter came by, and I ordered the $29 appetizer (what looked to be a simple house salad), intending for that to be the only thing I'd order, and further, I would insist on paying for it.

He ordered the same thing, and we didn't order anything else. He was silent the entire time, and when the check came, as I had intended, I offered him the money for my appetizer.

He said, "No. I'll pay for it. I'll pay for everything in the entire world, ever!" He put his card into the check folio and slammed it onto the table. When the check waiter came over to grab it, Andrew barked, "My money!" at him, and as the waiter took it away, Andrew said, "My goddamn money!"

The waiter returned with the receipt for Andrew to sign, and Andrew grumbled, "Damn women, making me spend all my goddamn money..."

"Hey. You insisted on coming here, staying here, and paying for this. Name one thing I made you do."

"You've got tits," he said, slamming the folio closed and standing up. "Tits made me do it."

He walked out. My tits and I left shortly thereafter, once we had regained composure.