No Sex in Any Room

Story Sent in by James:

Ruth and I had been on a few dates, and I loved spending time with her. We'd been seeing each other for a few weeks when I took her out on a date to a restaurant right on a river, at sunset. She was smiling the whole time, and everything was great.

We hadn't slept together yet. She said she'd had some bad experiences, and I told her I'd let her take the lead on that. That night, though, by the river, she looked so good and it was hard to think about anything other than holding her. I whispered to her, "You look so beautiful," and she took my hand and held it for most of the rest of dinner.

Hand-in-hand, we walked back to my car (I had picked her up) and my next idea was to go for a walk downtown and hit up an antique store that she said she had wanted to visit.

Once the door to my car shut, she turned to me and said, "We're not having sex in your car."

I cracked a smile, thinking, still, that she was joking. I said, "I hadn't planned on it."

She was silent.

When we stepped out of the car, downtown, she turned to me and said, "We're not having sex, here on the street."

"Or in the car," I reminded her, still thinking that she was kidding around. She didn't smile or give any indication that she was joking, but it seemed such a strange thing to say that I played along as if it was a joke.

We walked into the antique store and she turned to me yet again and said, "We're not having sex in this store," loud enough for the woman behind the counter and the five or so other customers to hear.

I replied, hoping that she was just setting me up for some kind of punchline, "If I were to have sex in any antique store, it wouldn't be in this one."

The woman behind the counter, rolling with it, quipped, "Pity."

Ruth darted in amongst the aisles and tables, seemingly wanting to put some distance between us. Concerned, I followed her and asked, "Hey, is everything okay?"

She said, "Yeah. Why?"

I said, "All these sex comments... are you just kidding around? I don't think I get it."

She replied, "What's that? Sex? That's right. You don't get it. And you never will!" Once again, she said it loud enough for everyone to hear, and she spun around, but as she did, she hit into a blue, glass vase, and it shattered onto the floor.

The woman behind the counter marched over to us and said, "You'll have to pay for that."

Ruth ran for the back of the store and pushed the rear door open. An alarm rang. The woman pushed past me, pulled the door closed, and the alarm stopped. She pointed to the mess and said, "You paying for this?"

All eyes were on me. All eyes that knew I was dating someone crazy who never gave me sex. I told the woman, "Look, I didn't break it. But I can give you that girl's name, number, and address."

"I'm serious," the woman said, "I'll call the police."

"Call them. Give them her information. I'll write it down for you." I did as I said, and left the store. I waited by my car for a while, as Ruth lived eight miles away, and I wasn't sure how else she'd make it home at that time of night. I tried calling her once, she didn't pick up, so I gave up on her and made for home.

Surprisingly, she called me the next day to ask me if I wanted to hang out. No mention at all of the previous night's behavior.

As I said, we had great times together up until that point, so I wanted to at least get to the bottom of what had happened. I asked her, "Yeah, maybe we can meet and talk about last night. Want to grab lunch at Rudy's?"

A pause from her end of the phone, then, "If you think I'm going to sleep with you at Rudy's, then fuck off."

Click. The end.