Charm, Thy Name Is Not

Story Sent in by Miranda:

John insisted on paying for dinner on our first date, and I thanked him for being so nice and polite. After dinner was over, he put an arm around my waist and asked, "Want to come back to my place and shag?"

I said, "No, thanks. We just met."

He said, "Or we can do it in my car, if you'd prefer."

"No."

He stepped away and waved his arms around. "Why the hell did I just pay for dinner?"

I replied, "Because you're an idiot for thinking that I'm a prostitute?"

He said, "But I didn't pay you. I didn't give you a cent tonight."

I explained, "You bought me dinner. I don't sleep with guys just for buying me dinner."

He said, "But dinner is food, and you need food to live. I just gave you something you needed and now you're turning me down from something I want? Where's the logic in that?"

I said, "A significant emotional investment isn't required when eating dinner."

"So? Sex is any different? I promise to not have any significant emotional whatever to you. Don't worry about that. Let's just do it. I could probably get any woman I want."

"Then go get another woman."

"I want you."

"Thanks, but not on a first date. Or, at this point, any date."

He said, "I'll never pay for dinner for you again."

"Whatever." I walked off, but he shouted after me, "Next time we go out, you'll see! You'll want me to pay for something and I'll say, 'Hey, remember that time I just wanted to screw and you said no?' Maybe then you'll do me, maybe then–"

Anything else he said was lost to the winds. I wanted to be away from him as quickly as possible, but he sent me text after text: "CUM ON DO ME PLZ" and "WATS WRONG WIT U? I JUST WANNA LAY. LOL."

After a day and a half, I called him up and said, "All right. Fine. I'm ready."

I could hear him lick his lips and the excitement in his voice. "You mean it? Really?"

"Sure. I'm ready. To call my uncle, who's a cop, to tell him that you're harassing me. I'm going to fill out a police report. Can you give me a ride?"

Silence, then he hung up. Didn't hear from him again.