A Squirrel Crushin', Deer Smackin', Driving Machine

Story Sent in by Carrie:

Ed had picked me up from my apartment on our second date. He had planned to take me to dinner and a club a few towns away. The fastest way there, typically, was the highway, and he pulled onto it.

"Oh, no... no, no, no, no, no, no, no!" he yelled.

Traffic. Lots of it. Bumper to bumper. He coasted to a stop, and there we sat. He groaned.

"It's okay," I said, "If it doesn't clear up by the next exit, we can get off there and take local roads."

"It's not okay. This is a date. I am hungry."

"I'm hungry, too, but–"

"Well, that settles it."

He pulled onto the shoulder and shot us down, past the traffic.

I gave him a frown. "Ed? Uh, Ed?"

He pulled off the highway and off-roaded it into an embankment, and up a hill toward a nearby local road. His car couldn't make the incline, though, and so it skidded and we rolled back a little bit before he reversed it so fast that I screamed. He then drove down through the embankment, in the opposite direction of the facing traffic on the highway, until he found some flatter ground. He then cut in front of a few other drivers on the local road, made a u-turn, and continued onto the local road.

"You almost killed us," I chided him.

"Almost," he grinned, "It's okay. There were no kids in the car and you're not pregnant. Are you?"

"No! That was insanely stupid."

He slowed the car down, made a right onto a residential street, and pulled over. He asked, "Do you want children?"

"I–what? What does that have to do with this?"

He grumbled and said, "All right, then I'll take you home. I owe you that much, I guess."

Without a word, I jumped out of his car and called a friend to pick me up. Nothing could convince me to spend one more minute in that potential deathtrap with him.