"Over the Line!"

Story Sent in by Joy:

Andy regaled me with stories of his military career during our first date dinner. He sure came off sounding like a hero. He saved his platoon from an airstrike, he went on a solo spy mission, he reprogrammed a drone to take out a senior terrorist... His tales all sounded heroic, but less and less possible for a 24-year-old.

Finally, I blurted, "If you're really such a big hero, then why aren't you on the joint chiefs or a captain or general?"

He stared at me for the longest time and said, "If you don't believe me, then why are we even out together? Why would I lie about anything I've told you? I'm a goddamned hero of America!"

"Okay," I said. He had raised his voice.

"I've had friends who died face-down in the mud so we could have this pleasant chat."

I cracked up. I couldn't help it! He was quoting The Big Lebowski. I said, "You're out of your element, Donnie!"

He didn't roll with it. Instead, it made him angrier. "You think I'm quoting from some stupid film? Do you know how many men died so that we could have this talk? Good men?"

"Over the line!" I said.

"Waiter!" he called out, across the restaurant, "Check!"

I giggled. He muttered to me, "People like you make my job difficult, like I have trouble remembering why I do it."

"Dude, the Chinaman is not the issue, here!"

I couldn't help but troll him, take him down a few pegs. He left me there with a crumpled ball of bills that barely covered his soup and steak.