Germ Many

Story Sent in by Samuel:

On our first date, Laura and I went to a diner where they sold ice cream floats. "They're awesome here," she told me, "but I'm not sure if I can drink a whole one by myself."

I said, "We can split one."

She agreed with that, and after our meals, we ordered a single float with two straws. It was delivered to the table, and we went to work on it.

She warned me, "Try not to get too many of your germs inside the glass. I can't let myself get sick."

I suggested, "If you're worried about it, why don't you drink first, and then I'll finish it?"

"That's stupid. We should both drink at the same time. Just watch your germs."

"I, uh, I will."

Apparently, I must not have been reining in my germs well enough, because after a few seconds of co-drinking, she said, "I told you to watch your germs. I can taste them through my straw."

"I think I'm drinking, same as you."

"Just watch your germs."

We tried again, and I drank, through the straw, like anyone else. She pulled away from the float in seconds.

"Why don't you just finish it, yourself? So intent you are on polluting it with your bugs. I can taste them, like old soap."

I replied, "Maybe that's a taste in the glass, already?"

She laughed. "I've tasted man-germs before. I think I know what they taste like."

I finished the float (which tasted fine to me) and then we left the diner. Her behavior had turned me off a fair amount, but the date wasn't done yet.

"I want to go on a walk," she said.

I followed her as she walked through town and a park. By "walked," though, I mean that she jogged. In her date outfit. Strange, but I kept up and finally, at the end of our jog, she turned to me and said, "I'm thirsty. Can we stop somewhere to get some water?"

We went into a convenience store and she bought a bottle of water. Outside, she drank it down, then spat some of it out, right on the ground. She said, "Ugh! How did you get your germs in this?"

I said, "You just opened it, yourself. Maybe they're your germs."

"No!" she said, apparently horrified, "They're just, they're just, your germs! They're still coating my mouth from that float before! I have to get mouthwash. I need it now."

She ran back inside the convenience store with her bottle of water. When she returned outside with a little bottle of mouthwash, I told her that it was nice to meet her and that I was going to leave. She held up a finger to me as if she wanted me to wait, as she swished the mouthwash around and around in her mouth for well over a minute.

I lost my patience and said, "Okay. Bye." I left, and as far as I know, she's still cleaning out her mouth from the germs that never were.