Story Sent in by Sam:
I met Alison online. We spoke for a while and even became Facebook friends before meeting in person.
Our first date itself went pretty well, from my perspective. I picked her up at her house, brought her a small bouquet of flowers (she had casually mentioned her favorite kind in an email once before), took her out to dinner and dancing, and had what seemed to me to be a great time. I dropped her back off at home, she gave me a hug goodbye, and it seemed pretty safe to assume that I'd be seeing her again.
To bolster that belief, I checked her Facebook page when I made it home, hoping to see some clue as to how she felt it went. Her status update read, "Just came back from a FIRST date where the ugly moron gave me flowers... um... crazy/possessive??? Anyone??? lol."
I'm not sure if she thought that I couldn't see it, but I wrote her a quick message over Facebook, to the tune of, "Sorry for being ugly and crazy/possessive. Good luck out there." I unfriended her and had no further intention of contacting her again. That was that, as far as I guessed.
A few days later, she wrote an email to my main address. She wrote, "Hey Sam! Do you want to go out again?"
I hadn't expected anything like that, so I wrote back, "It seemed like your takeaways from our date were how ugly I am and how crazy/possessive I seemed for giving you flowers. You saw my profile photos and we Skyped before meeting in person, so you know what I looked like. And if I did something else nice for you, I wouldn't want it to again be misinterpreted and broadcast to the entire world, so I think we're better off seeing other people."
She wrote back, "What are you talking about? I liked the flowers that you gave me."
I replied, "You wrote a Facebook post about me being crazy/possessive for giving you flowers."
She wrote back, "You saw that? Ugghhhhhhhghhh..." and that was the last that I heard from her.
Woah. Was Alison really so desperate for free food/male company that she was willing to go on a second date with an "ugly moron" who also happens to be "crazy/possessive" (her words)? Or was her status update part of some weird self-aggrandizing scheme or something? As in, look how picky I can afford to be... this is the kind of guy I consider ugly!
ReplyDeleteIn any case, OP sure was lucky he caught that update! Imagine being strung along by such a douchebag for several more weeks or months...
+1.
DeleteI think it your second guess. (Not desperation for food/companionship) Her responses indicate that nothing went wrong on the date, and she obviously knew what he looked like beforehand. It looks like she enjoys the attention she gets from having some sort of drama in her life, even if fabricated. Some people thrive on complaining about bad dates, just as some people (I can't imagine who :-P) enjoy reading them.
DeleteOP is definitely lucky that he caught her comment. Imagine all the drama and false rumors, he'd have to deal with if he dated her.
Totally agree. I had a woman in my social circle try this on me last year - she kept trying to get me interested in her, but not because she had any genuine attraction, simply because she was an attention-whore and I was more popular than her. I eventually told her that I didn't want her to come to any more of my events because she was boring and tedious, and she went utterly psycho on me. In retrospect, as fun as it was to hurt her so-called "feelings", I should have kept my mouth shut and simply unfriended her without any explanation. OP definitely made the right move.
DeleteWolfie keeps his pimp-hand strong!
DeleteGood thing that Feminism teaches our young ladies that receiving flowers = crazy/possessive.
ReplyDeleteI shudder to think what would have happened had he opened a door for her, or *gasp* pulled out her chair!
If you don't like it, go back to the hospital and get it changed!
DeleteNeed to buy stamps!
DeleteUh, wow. Epic feminism comprehension fail.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't say bringing flowers on a first date is crazy or posessive, but it's painfully old-fashioned / conservative / corny and sends the message that either (1.) you've never had an original thought in your life (2.) this is your first date... with anyone, ever or (3.) both of the above.
ReplyDeleteAlison was definitely harsh in calling out Sam so publically, but I can't blame her for not appreciating something so tired and hokey. In fact, a gift of any sort on a first date is usually a bad idea.
Watch the generalizations, there. Some of us girls still consider bringing flowers to be a sweet gesture.
Delete(Assuming, of course, that it isn't overboard. A few wildflowers or daisies would be sweet for a first date. A dozen roses would be a bit much. The OP didn't say what kind he brought, but he did say it was a "small bouquet".)
Good luck with your incredibly boring, unimaginative dates then. Hey, maybe on date #2 you'll get a heart-shaped box of chocolates from the drug store!
DeleteSome women like receiving flowers, no matter how "hokey" or "cliche" some people consider it to be. She mentioned that she had a favorite flower, so I think it's a natural assumption that bringing her a small bouquet of said flowers would be a nice gesture that shows he was paying attention to the little things she was talking about. I agree with Ellendra; a small bouquet is a nice gesture, while something big and showy is unimaginative/weird. Neither is "creepy/possessive," even if brought on the first date.
DeleteNot to be offensive, but Andrew, you sound like someone who might appear in a story on this sight. (Do you like how I did that?) Anyway, I don't think the point is that he brought her flowers, it's that he listened to her and found out what kind of flowers she liked and brought them. That's what's so sweet about what he did. We kinda like it when men listen to us.
Delete+1 for the flowers. Unfortunately less and less people would do something like that. As long as guys wont want anything in return for the gesture then flowers are plus points
ReplyDeleteWhere are all these nice guys :(
ReplyDeleteThis life's unfair, for real!
That's not feminism. That's a loose screw.
ReplyDelete