Email Sent in by Dara:
Well I am a man in my late 30's and you know what that means. I am peak fertile and want to find a woman to have my boys. To do this I need to make sure that she can still be relied on to have kids without too much looking after (I mean I will take care of her but I want her to still help me do shopping, cooking, cleaning, and all). Love is two way street after all!
Here's what I propose. I have so many willing friends with newborns. I want to try something in which the lady I am seeing with a clean hoo-ha consents to let me (and willing friends as I said) just try to fit a baby up into her hoo-ha to make sure that she can carry one late trimester term. This is not a full-grown baby we're talking about here. Just a less than one month old. I have so many friends now with babies and twins and triplets and quadruplets and so on and so many friends but they don't even have to know when I say willing I mean they are willing to let me look after their kid. I doubt they'd be willing to let me insert their kid up your hoo-ha.
Again this isn't a ploy to get into your hoo-ha just want to see if you can carry a child. I think that is innocent enough. I will understand if you don't want to, just want to get drinks, have some bed fun, whatever instead.
I run a lumber yard and am successful at what I do. Now to find a family!
Arthur
The really scary thing is that if he wrote this to every woman in the world, he would likely find at least one willing to try this.
ReplyDeleteI hope so, because I really look forward to reading about this in the Darwin Awards! As humiliating ways to die go, it's hard to visualize anything more embarrassing than "rupturing your cervix by attempting to shove somebody else's child into your own body."
DeleteHey, if Arthur helps her do it, does that mean the baby is technically a murder weapon? "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I would like to present exhibit A: little Timothy."
omg wolfdreams i just laughed so hard...this comment and this entry may be my favorite ever on this site :D
Deletewolf, you made me pee a little. :D
DeleteI <3 bed fun.
ReplyDeleteThis man knows nothing about conception or birth. Or "hoo-has", for that matter.
ReplyDeleteThis lumber worker is clearly looking for a knotty girl! Flat as a board and easy to lay!
ReplyDeleteMen peak at like, 18 I believe. Women peak late 30's, early 40's. This guy is confusing physiology with hornyness.
ReplyDeleteOr with desperation, Zuben.
ReplyDelete"What's wrong with lumber? I own two lumberyards."
ReplyDelete"I notice you don't spend too much time there."
"I'm not quite sure where they are."