Bagel Run

Story Sent in by Dan:

I found Nancy's profile online and wrote her. She wrote back a colossal, three-paragraph message in which she went over her life story, her spiritual beliefs, and her long-term goals. Her tone was friendly, and she asked me plenty of questions throughout. While it might have been a case of too much information, she made herself sound interesting. After messaging for a little bit, we exchanged numbers and set up a date.

The plan was to go on a walk, visit a gallery or outdoor art festival (that we knew to be taking place that day), do lunch, and then play things by ear. We lived in a big suburb with plenty to do.

I arrived at our meeting spot in the main town square and looked around to find her. It was a nice day and plenty of families were out.

"Dan!" someone screamed from what sounded like a distance.

I turned and looked. Across the street, Nancy wore a huge smile, pointed, waved her arms, screamed again, and ran for me. When she reached me, she nearly knocked me over with her hug, then held my shoulders tightly and said, "Oh my God," then looked around, turned back to me, and continued, "I love you. I love you! I love this day, this pavement," she stomped on the ground with a foot, "the sky, and just everything!"

She sure was happy. I said, "Great. I... it's good to see you, too."

She gave me another smile, then hugged me again. "You too!" she said, then stepped away from me and her eyes went so wide that I could almost see white all the way around her irises. "Oh my God!" she barked, "You've got to see this! Follow me!"

She ran down the street. I hurried to keep up, but she ran breakneck and I lost her. I called her up and left a message, asking her where she was, and telling her that I'd wait for her at a particular corner.

She called me back almost immediately. "Where are you?" she asked.

"I'm at Main and Shelton."

"That's not where I am!"

"Evidently. Where are you?"

"Hang on."

Within a minute, she had found me. I asked her, "Where are we going?"

She smiled, showing almost all of her teeth. "It's a surprise! Follow me!" She tore off again, so fast that she seemingly didn't want to be caught.

"Nancy!" I called after her, but she was oblivious, or else ignored me. I yelled, "We'll get there faster if we go together!" but she was gone.

I went to a bagel place, figuring that if she really wanted to hang out, she'd call me. She did, not long after I sat down to my bagel.

"Where are you?" she asked.

"At Porter Bagels. Come join me."

"What are you doing there?"

"Having a bagel."

"Wow. Not only are you an asshole... you're a complete asshole." She hung up. Complete asshole that I am, I didn't call her back.