Who's Your Pop?

Story Sent in by Alexandra:

Keith and I met in person after finding each other online. He offered to take me out to dinner, but told me that we'd figure out precisely where after meeting up.

Our meeting spot was in front of a bakery, and he asked me what I was in the mood for, regarding dinner. I offered, "Indian? Chinese?"

He pulled out his phone and looked something up, presumably some Indian or Chinese places in the area.

I said, "There's Beijing Wok or Bengal Elephant," which were Chinese and Indian places in the area, respectively.

He nodded and made a call. Once they picked up, he said, "Do you serve Coke or Pepsi products?"

They gave him the answer, and he hung up at once. He then called what I assumed was the other restaurant and asked them the same thing. They answered, and he hung up without a trace of emotion on his face.

He turned to me and said, "Those two are out. What else you got?"

I named two other Chinese restaurants in the area. He called them up and asked them both the same question. At the second one, he had to speak to a manager, as the person who first picked up apparently didn't understand what he was asking.

He hung up from that second conversation and said, "Maybe if you know of a restaurant that serves the one that you prefer, we ought to go there."

He sighed. "There's a pizza place I know of that has Coke. I'm fine going there if you are."

"I had pizza for lunch."

"So that complicates things. Story of my life. Anywhere else you think I should call? Otherwise I'll just expand the search."

I replied, "Is there really that big a difference between Coke and Pepsi products? I always found them similar."

He gave me the look of an admonishing teacher. "The differences are enormous. Taste aside, Coke's ingredients are responsibly derived, whereas Pepsi buys theirs from pirates."

"They buy their carbonated water and caramel color from pirates?"

"Essentially. Let's start walking to the pizza place and I'll keep trying some other places."

On our walk to the pizza parlor, he alternated calling up area restaurants and talking to me about Coca Cola's merits and Pepsi's shortcomings.

"Coke is venerable. Always has been. Their product tastes like quality should. Pepsi's is probably carbonated toilet water, and you can taste it. Seriously. Try one right after the other, if you can stomach the Pepsi. You won't regret it."

"I won't regret trying something that you just said tastes like carbonated toilet water?"

"Sometimes you have to learn the hard way."

Keith gave up after three more phone calls and we arrived at the pizza parlor. "Do you mind if we go here?" he asked, "You could have pasta or a salad or something."

It wasn't a big deal, so I told him that it was fine. He ordered pizza and grabbed a can of Coke out of the cooler, which was next to the counter. He turned to me and asked, "Want anything to drink?"

I grabbed a Pepsi.

He went rigid. He didn't know what to say. "You're kidding me. Put that—are you...? After all that... a Pepsi? Did you...? Um, let's see here... are—is, I mean, uh, if you, um, I think you should put that back."

I shrugged. "I like Pepsi."

He snapped, "I'm not paying for it."

"Okay."

He shook his head and repeated, "No way, I'm not paying for it," then turned to the counter and paid for his pizza and my salad.

Dinner itself was short. He alternated between cramming huge mouthfuls of pizza into himself and muttering, "A Pepsi, I can't believe it. I thought you were one of the different ones."

He bid me a hasty goodbye after the meal, and I returned home, where a bottle of Coke sat in my refrigerator.