Story Sent in by Douglas:
Lisa and I were classmates in college, and I had a crush on her. I took her out a couple of times, but she didn't really seem to think of me as anything more than a friend. My third time hanging out with her, I tried to kiss her, but she pulled away, gave me a hasty hug, and wished me a good night. Still, she called me the next day to ask if I wanted to hang out again, so I guess I didn't creep her out that badly.
She kissed me during our fourth time hanging out, but it was a quick peck on the cheek. She said, "I'm not really looking to start anything right now, or get into anything physical with anybody. For some reason, guys have taken advantage of me and I just don't want to put myself through that again."
I told her that I understood, although I was disappointed. She and her housemates were throwing a party at their place on a forthcoming weekend, and I looked forward to spending more time with her, even if it was platonic.
When I arrived at the party, the place was already packed, with more people arriving by the minute. Music blasted, and Lisa was already tipsy. At one point, she said to me, "I'd totally make out with you, but I can't. I won't let guys take advantage of me again."
Less than ten minutes later, I discovered her on a couch, surrounded by people, making out with two guys at once. Not long after that, someone poured a bottle of what I think was tequila all over her head and she lapped it up as it poured down her cheeks. Guys ground against her as she danced, she screamed out every word, laughed uncontrollably, and she couldn't keep her mouth off of anyone who walked by her. I was pretty grossed out, and spent time with some other friends who were there.
The party wound down, and I made quick rounds to thank the folks who ran it, before leaving.
I eventually found Lisa. She was passed out under a blanket on the couch. I called out her name and tapped her face a few times. She moaned but didn't open her eyes. I pulled the blanket off of her and discovered her in a black thong and nothing else. I tried to wake her for about another minute before I finally scooped her up, carried her to her bedroom, put her in bed, under the covers, and left.
From what I heard, she turned out just fine, although neither of us ever contacted the other again.
Did you borrow an extra-wide tampon while you were in her room? Because you, OP, are a massive pussy.
ReplyDelete"I looked forward to spending more time with her, even if it was platonic."
Of course you did. Because drunken sluts who make out with two guys at once while taking a tequila shower are such AWESOME friends!
Let's be real for a minute, OP. You didn't give a crap about Lisa, and the only reason you wanted to be platonic "friends" with her was because you viewed it as a long-term strategy to getting into her pants. Once you saw what a tramp she was, you realized that she wasn't worth the time investment, and that's why you never contacted her again.
Maybe your dating life would be better (and women might respect you more) if you were more honest about what you wanted and didn't use friendship as your dating strategy.
Or maybe he really wanted to be her friend, but her behavior proved her more of a liability.
DeleteI have to side with wolfdreams. Four dates with no kiss is a sign of a guy who is afraid to take risks or express his full desire. Not making a move is the key to the friend zone. He admitted that he was disapointed but seemed hopeful that something might be possible. Just because someone says they are ok with friends doesn't mean that he is being fully honest with himself. That said, he took her at her word when she said that she wasn't looking for more, when it probably was more of a sign of disinterest. Him seeing her doing stuff with other guys probably just hit him emotionally.
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DeleteJared, that's total BS and you know it. I have at least one friend who's a slut and I don't write her off when I see her cheating on her boyfriends. You know why? Because I'm genuinely her friend. I have absolutely no interest in her and so her loose morals don't impact me at all - loyalty (to me) and entertainment (for me) are the key requirements for a platonic friendship, and I fail to see what somebody's sexuality has to do with anything. Tell me, what "liability" does Lisa's sluttiness pose to a sincere friendship? The huge liability of getting invited to parties she throws with her housemates?
DeleteYou say that he's "a guy who's afraid to take risks," and the OP states, "My third time hanging out with her, I tried to kiss her, but she pulled away."
DeleteHe might be a guy who can't take a hint, but he took a risk.
Wolfy -
DeleteHe saw her behaving like a jackass. Jackasses sometimes make for crappy friends. For liabilities. I can see it from your point of view, to be sure, but I wouldn't be that quick to write the guy off. It's entirely plausible that he was mature, she wasn't, and he therefore thought she wouldn't make a good friend, as a result.
That is still a guy who is scared to take a risk. Going for a kiss on a third date is not taking a risk. He should have done it by the first date. 2nd latest. His lack of experience is evident in the fact that he even bothered mentioning a kiss on the the cheek as a kiss. For someone like that friendship is a lifeline that he would take in hopes of something more. Hence wolfdreams accurate grow a pair comment
DeleteHe admittedly wanted more, but he accepted friendship in hopes of spending more time with her. At this point, I'd ask what his motivation from. Do you honestly think it was that she was that interesting or was it that he had a crush and wanted to be closer to her? The latter sounds alot more realistic. He may not necessarily even admit it to himself, but, given what we know about him, its the likely answer
i don't think maturity is the likely case here. He sounds nice but inexperienced.
^ This, exactly. I didn't really lay out my case as logically because I was attempting the "OP emotional crush" maneuver but 5194 perfectly sums up the reasons why I think OP is a pussy.
DeleteTo be fair, maybe I'm being too harsh. I think every guy as had the unrequited "tramp crush" on a hot slutty girl at least once in their youth. What annoys me is that OP doesn't seem very self-aware about his motivations.
I can't say I believe your feelings are all that earnest OP, considering you stood by and allowed her to be taken advantage of after she told you more than once that she wanted to avoid that. If you honestly cared, you would have done something.
ReplyDeleteThat's what roommates are for.
DeleteShe's a grown woman, man.
DeleteI'm pretty sure that was my college roommate in the story...
ReplyDeleteHi guys, long-time lurker finally deciding to post. :)
ReplyDeleteFirst off, Jared, you rock - great site!
Baku, I generally always agree with your comments. But I really think here that OP's hands were tied as far as intervening. He didn't know Lisa that well - they'd gone on four dates, that's all. He wasn't her boyfriend or romantic interest - quite the opposite, given that she had explicitly stated that she wanted to keep things platonic. Lisa, as a single adult, had the right to make out with whoever she wanted to. Certainly her judgment was somewhat impaired due to her drinking, but it wasn't apparent that she was uncomfortable or pressured in any way. In fact, she was an enthusiastic participant. Bad situation? Yes. Would she regret her actions later? Probably, going off of her previous discussions with OP. But as a mere acquaintance, OP simply had no standing to stop Lisa from getting drunk and making out with random people.
The story was abruptly terminated. Here's the rest..
ReplyDelete"I finally scooped her up, carried her to her bedroom, put her in bed,quickly undressed myself and had my way with her. My only worry in the back of my mind was that I was banging her without protection. But hey, if there is any sign of pregnancy, there were two other guys AND TEQUILA. That's definitely not gonna come back to me, I thought. I screwed her unconscious self, took her black thong with me as a trophy to show my friends and left. She wrote a few days later asking what happened. I offered to show her the creepy pictures I'd taken on my cellphone and started blackmailing my best friend."
I think this story and the comments are all the proof I've been needing that I don't belong on this site and should not come back. So long!
ReplyDeleteDon't be like that, churro. If you were in a tequila-soaked haze, any one of us would pick you up and carry you off to bed. Thong or not.
DeleteDefinitely! Although if Splitscreen did it, you might wake up wondering why your ass was so sore. "It's just a normal symptom from a tequila hangover," he'd say. If you persisted in your suspicions, he'd just blame Baku and Howie.
DeleteHey churro! I felt the same way a while ago, so I just stopped commenting. I still read everything on here, but it's not worth it to comment anymore because I disagree with a lot of what I consider to be odd points of view and overly harsh criticisms. So join me as a lurker! It's fun! I'll save a spot for you in the shadows.
DeleteYeah, that's a pile of horse shit.
ReplyDeleteIf he was truly platonic, he'd have watched out for her being "taken advantage of" since she was so worried about it, instead of seeing it as "gross" and getting grumpy about it. She flat out said she was worried about making bad judgment calls and getting in over her head and your approach was to... Watch her do it, and get mad at her for it. Good on you, jackwagon.
Going on platonic dates with a girl when she repeatedly turns you down might make her a tease leading you on, but it also makes you a moron for thinking you can use friendship to wear a girl down. This isn't a bad case of the dates material, and why you're posting your forlorn ramblings about how you didn't get the girl who didn't want you, I don't know. A bad case of the dates is for actual dates that both parties consented to.
Platonic or not, why is it HIS responsibility to police her actions? Maybe she needs to put on her big-girl-panties and act like a responsible adult.
DeleteIf she thinks she is worried about making bad judgement calls, she needs to make the choice not to put herself in that position to begin with. Not "do it anyway" and have HIM deal with the consequences.
I quite like the reply's on this site.. very entertaining, they actually kept me reading. but everyone is entitled to their own opinion :)
ReplyDelete