Emails Sent in by Jonathan:
Hi Jon.
I'll answer each of your questions but you need to answer me something first. Why did your last relationship break up?
Sara
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Jon Responds:
Hi Sara,
My last relationship ended after my girlfriend slept with my uncle. I hope that this answers your question.
Sincerely,
Jon
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Sara Responds:
Whoh. Bitter much? Maybe you drove her too it. Nothing is ever entirely a single person's fault.
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Jon Responds:
She could have been just as equally driven to talk to me about what was wrong. However, she made her choice, her choice was her own, and I believe that she should take full responsibility for it. Now, I asked you some rather light questions about your job and your family. Let's get back to that, if you don't mind.
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Sara Responds:
If it was a dick size thing then it kinda would be your fault. Not intentional on your part but still. Just saying.
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Jon Responds:
Or maybe she was just an idiot. Like you.
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Sara Responds:
yeah maybe.
If it was a dick size thing then it kinda would be your fault. Not intentional on your part but still. Just saying.
ReplyDeleteOK, Sara may not be a very nice person, but she sounds like she would be a HILARIOUS commenter for ABCotD. OP, you need to send her the link to this website!
How come women are always quick to say that a penis is too small? Maybe it's just that the vajayjay is too BIG? Ya feel me?
DeleteNo, I don't. Wait, hold on... Are you sure your schtick is in? It is? Ok. Oooh, that comment was really funny! Yeah, keep stereotyping, I like it! Yeah, blanket statement me harder!
DeleteOh.
...
Oh. No no, totally not your fault. My expectations for mildly enjoyable commenting were too big for you to fill.
I demand a rating or thumbs upping or something system, because M's comment deserves it. I give you all my thumbs up.
DeleteIt always puzzles me why people even care about this at all. I've never had any trouble satisfying women (in fact, when I was younger and single I used to regularly seduce women from their boyfriends) and my length is pretty average - I know because when I was a teenager we once physically compared everyone's sizes in summer camp. And yet every single woman I've dated claimed I was massive - not necessarily because I am, but rather because most guys are so insecure about their penises most women feel they HAVE to lie in order to avoid hurting our feelings. It's pretty sad.
DeleteWhen a guy claims to have a massive dick, I think what they're REALLY advertising is that they're terrible at sex and have no idea how to satisfy a woman, which is why they assume penis size is the most important characteristic.
M has me all chubb'd up now... I won't be able to leave my desk for a while...
DeleteWow Wolfie...sorry to say but your posting makes you seem a bit DICKIE and high on yourself
DeleteWhat can I say, Mr Feltersnatch? I'm a reasonably confident guy, that's just how I roll. Besides, haven't you ever questioned how 90% of men out there seem to believe that their penis is larger than the average (ie, the 50% mean) even though they've never made an actual visual comparison to other men's equipment? It's important to share this discrepancy with them so that they become better at both sex AND statistics. Besides, shattering people's overinflated egos is fun - why else do you think I used to steal girlfriends?
Delete;-)
BTW, just one quick disclaimer so you don't think I'm a terrible person - I never stole the GF of somebody I respected or liked. Hurting ignorant assholes is fine but I would never inflict harm on anybody I genuinely cared about: I want to be absolutely clear on that.
DeleteClear!
DeleteI still don't get the comparing sizes at camp. Could you not do what I did and tried to stick your schlong inot a toilet paper roll? Apparently that is a good indicator of average size...I couldn't fit into it without losing my boner...I'm confident too! Besides, I can also do push-ups with my tongue
I guess we could have done that instead... but Howie, have you thought of how many other kids might have used that toilet paper roll the same way before you? If you really feel 100% comfortable using somebody else's "toilet paper sloppy seconds"... well, all I can say is that you're much more confident that I'll ever be.
Delete;-)
Dick size trumps EVERYTHING. Sara is right. Plus maybe Uncle Warbucks had an equally-packed wallet...
ReplyDeleteBut in all seriousness, I would not have went into details about something like that in a first email. She was kinda forward to ask something that could be potentially VERY personal/emotional.
This was a horrible exchange. That women was either not raised properly or just crrrrazy. But based on what I've read on this sight, my money is on crazy.
ReplyDeleteSara has obviously not had sufficient motion in her ocean. So sad.
ReplyDeleteOMG, read wolfdreams01 responses to the story Emotional Scarlett' and then read his responses here. What a loser hypocrite. Can't believe I wasted my time responding to you wolfdreams01.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteHow am I a hypocrite? At the time, I was inexperienced in bed, and consequently my first girlfriend cheated on me (in part it might have been the long-distance thing). I then improved my bedroom skills and now nobody cheats on me anymore. It was a painful lesson, but a valuable one. Why shouldn't I share this lesson with others? In fact, if ANYBODY is entitled to teach this lesson, it's me, because I know exactly how painful it is to be on the receiving end. And it's not like I've ever cheated on anybody I was with, which is more than you can say for a lot of people.
DeleteIf you want to call me a jerk or a meanie, that might be more accurate, since I believe in Darwinism and don't mind dishing out some hurt to people who get in my way. However, a hypocrite is somebody who has inconsistent values, whereas mine are consistent throughout. Sometimes I'm the hammer and sometimes I'm the nail, but that doesn't mean I object to carpentry - I simply strive to improv myself so I don't get pounded on as often. I do what I can to improve the lives of the people I care and respect and take what I want from people I don't care about - just as they would do to me.
Wow random personal attack is random. Wolfdreams, to help you in your continuing endeaver to improv youself, may I suggest you start here: http://improveverywhere.com/
Delete*please insert sound of bad joke drums*
Ha! Nice, Lime-Coco - I totally did set myself up for that one.
DeleteAlthough I already HAVE done stuff with Improv Everywhere, so maybe you're just psychic. ;-)
Naturally. My crystal balls have smoke inside and stuff that changes colors, so they're legit.
DeleteI would love to do an event with them, but you know...live in Alaska. Also I like how I made at least two typos, never fails when you try to joke about someone else's spelling.
Yeah, Alaska's a VERY rough place to live if you like excitement. Flash mobs don't really work to well there - you can't organize a decent No-Pants Subway Ride without an actual subway to ride, and besides every participant would probably just end up freezing to death. :-(
DeleteHeh I was thinking more about how New York is far away and expensive to get to, rather than doing their kind of stuff here. The winter's not so bad when you dress for it, and there's always the option of inside improv. The summers are really quite nice when it stops raining. But I think the biggest hurdle might be the smallness of the communities. Hard to surprise/involve random strangers when most people know each other and would be all like WTF are you doing Greg?
Delete