Baby, Say it Ain't So

Story Sent in by Ben:

Michelle and I met at a cafe for our first meeting. She ordered a coffee and we sat down together and then she pulled out a small sippy-cup, the kind with a small plastic spout that you give to little kids. She transferred as much of her coffee as she could to it, shook it around, and drank out of it.

"Why a sippy-cup?" I asked her.

She replied, "It's a security thing, plus it's more sanitary. It's almost impossible to spill anything on yourself with one." She shook it around a bit to demonstrate.

"A security thing?"

"Yeah. It reminds me of when I was in the womb. A feeling of no danger."

"You remember having sippy-cups in the womb?"

She sighed heavily. "Enough about the sippy-cup. There's more to me than what I drink out of."

Right she was, although I think I could be forgiven for my curiosity. I was silent for a few moments as I tried to segue into another topic.

"And don't laugh," she said, "But I sometimes even wear diapers."

I laughed. How could I not? Was she serious? She was quick to point out, "I use them like underwear! I don't really go to the bathroom in them! That would be nuts."

"And you wear diapers for the same reason?"

"Look, this world can suck. I do everything I can to be an adult and still be childlike. Is that wrong?"

"No. I'm sorry. I don't mean to be judgmental." I meant it. What she was doing didn't hurt anyone. So what if it made her less my type? So what if this was a young woman, very likely wearing a diaper right at that very moment? So what if—

She reached under her blouse. On a little chain around her neck, she had a light blue pacifier charm, like the kind that was popular a few years ago. She popped it into her mouth and sucked on it.

Out of the corner of her mouth, she spoke, and I was barely able to make out the words, "So, tell me more about you."

I talked about my job, my family, and a good deal about many other things, I'm sure. Unfortunately, the only thing I remember is trying to keep a straight face while she matter-of-factly sucked away on her pacifier.

As I spoke, her eyelids drooped, and she finally interrupted with, "I think it's time for a nap. We'll catch up some other time?"

"Okay."

We both stood up, she hiked up her pants, I'm serious, almost up to her chest, and bid me a swift goodnight.

We had a good rapport, but something about her prevented me from calling her for date number two.