Put-Down and Makeup

Story Sent in by Ronald:

Bridget and I had been out on two dates already. For our third date, we met at a restaurant and planned to follow it up with a late walk through a cemetery. We were into such things. In any event, at dinner, she said, "I have something for you," and slid a foundation compact to me over the table.

"A compact," I said with a smile, "for all of that makeup I put on."

She said, "No, just put on a thin layer. In the bathroom. I'll wait."

"Why would I do that?"

In reply, she passed an eyebrow pencil to me and giggled. "Try this, too."

"Why?"

"Because I think you should. You'd look cute. I'll wait here. Off you go."

I said, "I'm not going to put makeup on. Sorry."

"Why not? For me?"

I laughed. "Why would you want me to look like a woman?"

"I don't. But makeup can make even ugly people look attractive."

I gave her a look. "So you're saying I'm ugly?"

She said, "No. Put the makeup on."

I joked, "I'm surprised you didn't hand me lipstick."

Her eyes widened. "I thought that would be too much. Are you willing to?"

"Ha! No. No makeup."

"You wouldn't do this for me?"

"No. I'm not going to put makeup on."

She scooped the compact and pencil back into her purse. "You're a louse," she said, clearly incensed, "You won't do this little thing for me? See how far that gets you."

"Are you serious? I'm a guy. Why would I put on makeup?"

"It doesn't matter!" she snapped, "I just wanted you to! End of story! Now you're too late, so don't ask me to try it on anymore."

"I wasn't going to."

She shook her head. "Too late. You're too late. That opportunity's gone."

"Uh, I–"

"It's gone! Gone, gone." She buried her face into a menu. I did the same. Not long after, she said, "I was going to say earlier, 'I'd love to consider a relationship with you,' but now I've changed my mind."

"Okay."

"You're such a louse. A real louse."

I put my menu down. "Bridget, want to cancel dinner and call it a night?"

She hesitated to think it over, then said, "I'm kind of torn: part of me wants to just sit here and tell you what an asshole you are, but the other half wants to leave you here."

I stood up. "All right, then. Let's go."

Without a word, she grabbed her stuff and fast-walked out of the restaurant. I gave her a bit of a head start, as I didn't want to risk encountering her outside. On my way out the door, she texted me: "LOUSE!" It was a fitting end, I thought.