Email Sent in by Vicki:
Hello.
I have looked at your profile very often in the past weeks. When I have felt down I read it and it makes me feel better. I work at a crap job and my family is crap and my kids are garbage and all the money I make is also crap. The one thing I have at the end of a day of making other people's lives crap is looking at your profile. It is a sunshine among the clouds.
About me I guess you want to know. I work in insurance with the one job to deny people. Deny deny deny. I spend my whole life saying no. Then I see your profile and I think yes yes yes! Here is a little person who is in touch with the big picture. She may not be university-educated but she is still smart for herself and knows the value of things. That cannot be taught.
I propose that we meet at a pavilion so that I may simply sit and bask in your presence. You need say no words, but a smile would be most kind. It would dissolve the crap. Perhaps it would inspire me to give you a hug, and then perhaps a briefest of kisses. If only I would be so blessed in a life full of denials to peel off your outer layers and see the "real you." You may not be educated but you can give me hope and I can educate you throoughly ;)
Stay beautiful, my ever-impactful dame!
Geoff
Aaaaaand my ovaries just shriveled up and dissolved away into my abdominal cavity.
ReplyDeleteHe and Mr. "I have a knife I'd like to introduce you to" probably see each other every year at the cereal convention.
ReplyDeleteIt's funny because when I feel down, I read about pathetic people like Geoff on THIS website, and that makes me feel better. I wonder if I might meet Geoff at a pavilion so I may simply sit and bask in his self-loathing? He need say no words, but a few tears would be most kind.
ReplyDeleteI totally read this while picturing Toby from the office. Creepy!
ReplyDeleteMentioning her lack of college education once was fine; it came off as a compliment the first time, in context. Every time after that it sounds more and more arrogant.
ReplyDeleteIn his very meager defense, his job sounds soul-suckingly awful.
The boy needs a hobby. Maybe he could make up for his job by helping out at a homeless shelter or something. Maybe he should spend some time playing with his kids instead of moaning about how awful his life is. Maybe he should take ownership of his life instead of pretending life was just something that happened to him.
ReplyDeleteMaybe he should learn to spell "thoroughly" if he's going to point out other people's lack of college degrees.
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ReplyDeleteGood one, Wolfdream01! I agree.
ReplyDeleteI assume so, Gnome. I think it was the ";)" at the end of that paragraph that really made me want to puke.
ReplyDeleteI like the implication early on that he has a family and children. Because if there's one thing hotter than calling someone uneducated, it's letting someone know that you also have a family you're willing to leave for them before you even meet them.
ReplyDeleteWhen writing messages on dating sites, whatever you do, never ever EVER go for pity. Maybe as an insurance claims adjuster he reads so many sob stories daily that that's all he can write.
ReplyDeleteI know! OP should have written back "I regret to inform you that based on your marital status being a pre-existing condition, your application to date me has been denied."
ReplyDeleteHonestly, it shames me that it took me SO long to think of that. :-(
He never said he was married, just that his family was crap. That could just be mother/father/siblings. And he can definitely have kids out of wedlock. I'm not saying that's he's not awful, but he might not be married.
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