Kick in the Harass

Story Sent in by Elliot:

Jessica and I were out to dinner on our first date. We met online, but we worked in the same industry (staffing) and knew a lot of the same people.

Once dinner was served, I started in on mine, but she stared at her plate for the longest time, long enough for me to ask, "Are you okay?"

She blurted, "I slept with my boss."

My turn to not eat. I froze and repeated, "You slept with your boss?"

She said, "He said that he'd make me assistant manager, which normally takes over two years, in less than one."

Rapidly losing interest in her, I said, "I think that there's a word for that."

She said, "Like you've never slept with a boss."

"I haven't."

She snorted. "Everyone does it. You're not above it. I'll bet if I made a phone call or two, I could find out everyone in your company who you slept with."

She pulled out her phone and dialed a number. I asked, "Are you serious? Please don't do this."

"Afraid of what I'll find out? Should've thought of that before." She said into the phone, "Hi, Mary. I'm at dinner with Elliot Sanders. He works for Wheeler and Green Staffing. Do we know anyone over there who he slept with?"

She looked at me, said, "Mmm hmm," "Uh huh," and "Okay," then hung up. She then dialed another number and asked me, "The name Francine Lipscomb mean anything to you?"

Francine was a regional manager in my company who I had met exactly zero times. I replied, "Regional manager for Wheeler and Green."

"Well, I'm about to find out if you slept with her."

"I didn't."

Jessica held up a finger, then said into the phone, "Hi, Francine, this is Jessica from Maple Hanover Staffing. You don't know me, but I'll bet you know Elliot Sanders. He's sitting with me at dinner, and I think that there's a bit of an ethical problem with sleeping with your employees. If you'd like to discuss this further, you can call me back at (612) 555-2900. Thank you!"

She hung up and gave me a smarmy grin. I called the waitress over and asked for the check, right then and there. I said to Jessica, "We're splitting this."

Jessica said, "Ungentlemanly, but expected."

I don't know if she actually called Francine Lipscomb's office and left a message. If she did, then Francine never mentioned it to me. I did however mention the incident to a coworker of mine who mentioned it to another coworker who mentioned it to my boss who mentioned it to someone over at Maple Hanover who mentioned it to enough people for it to make it back to Jessica.

Jessica called me up in a huff. "How dare you spread rumors that you and I had sex," she yelled into my voicemail, "I should sue you for sexual harassment!"

I never heard from her after that, and for that, I'm very grateful.