Fly the Unfriendly Skies

Story Sent in by Max:

Suzanne and I had been dating for about six months when we wound up at an airport together with plans to fly out to San Francisco for Suzanne's parents' wedding anniversary party. A little less than an hour before our flight, we were at the gate and Suzanne left for the bathroom.

About 20 minutes later, she texted me, "Can you come here?"

I dragged our luggage to just outside the closest women's room, where I assumed that she was. I texted her, "I'm right outside the bathroom. Everything okay?"

She called me up and asked, "Where are you? I don't see you."

I replied, "Outside the women's room. Is that where you are?"

"Yes, but I don't see you anywhere."

It took us a minute to figure out that she was at a bathroom at the other side of the terminal. "What are you doing there?" I asked, "There's a bathroom within sight of the gate, and they're going to start boarding any second."

She replied, "I didn't see it. I clogged a toilet really bad here, and now none of the toilets in the entire bathroom are flushing."

I said, "You clogged one, so they're all not working? That doesn't make any sense, but flag down a maintenance worker and hurry back here. We can't miss the flight."

"Okay," she said, "See you soon."

We hung up. Sure enough, the gate agents soon invited all first-class passengers and active duty military to board. I scanned the approaching crowd for Suzanne, but there was no sign of her. The gate agents called for the back rows of the aircraft to board. I called Suzanne again.

She said, "I can't find a maintenance person. There's water all over the place, now. People are getting really angry."

I said, "Find anyone. A gate agent. A police officer. They'll alert whoever needs to know. You have to get back here right now, or we're going to miss this plane."

"Okay," she said, then hung up.

By the time the gate agents made it to, "All other passengers are welcome to board," Suzanne still hadn't shown up. I went up to the desk and explained that she was stuck in the bathroom.

The gate agent was sympathetic, but firm. "She has five minutes to get here, otherwise, we're closing the doors."

I asked the gate agent if she could watch my luggage while I ran to find Suzanne myself. The gate agent replied that under no circumstances could I leave baggage unattended.

Carrying all of our luggage down the hall as quickly as I could,  I ran for the far bathroom and arrived in miraculous time. Suzanne was nowhere to be seen. I called her.

"Hello?" she answered as if nothing at all was amiss.

I said, "They're closing the plane doors in a minute. I'm at the far bathroom. Where the hell are you?"

Silence from her end of the line, then, "I don't really like your tone. Where are you now?"

"I'm at the far bathroom!" I squawked, "We're going to miss the plane!"

She replied, "I could really do without that tone. I'll be there in just a second."

She hung up and strolled up to me a few moments later, holding a fountain drink. "Where were you?" I asked her.

She pointed to a small cafe nearby. "I couldn't really hear what you were saying over the phone," she said, "What's wrong?"

I said, "I think we might have just missed our flight."

She said, "What?! Oh my God!" and without grabbing any of her own luggage, she ran down to our plane's gate.

Sure enough, by the time I arrived, I saw Suzanne pleading with the same gate agent, who could offer nothing but later flying arrangements (with a substantial fee tacked on).

Suzanne then turned to me, holding all the bags, and she yelled, "It's because of you! If you kept up with me, we could've made it! They closed the doors less than a minute ago!"

I yelled back, "If you went to the closer bathroom and listened to me when I told you, more than once, that they were boarding, then we'd be on the plane!"

She said, "You had a nasty tone! And if I went to this bathroom then it probably would've clogged, too! Now we're going to miss the party!"

She grabbed her luggage and I let her take it. She said, "I'm getting on the next plane, and you're not coming with me!"

I tried for about a minute to convince Suzanne to see reason, but she wasn't into that, so I left with my bags. Her parents had paid for our tickets, so it would be no financial loss on my part. Still, I felt bad for them, so I called them to explain the situation. Her father insisted that I fly out with Suzanne, and said that they'd call her themselves to smooth things over.

"Find someplace to wait," he instructed me, "Either I'll call you back or she will once I'm done talking to her."

I stopped in the very same cafe Suzanne had shown me. I waited to hear back from either her or her parents.

Her father called me back shortly thereafter. He told me, "You should probably just head out. She was screaming over everything I said, and she kept saying how much she hates you. Sorry about all of this."

"I'm sorry, too," I said, and walked out of the airport and out of Suzanne's life.