It Is Written

Original Art By Craig Boldman - http://www.craigboldman.com

Story Sent in by May:

Tim wrote me a message over a dating site. He seemed gregarious and fun, and so we decided to meet at a restaurant for our first date.

When we sat down, I noticed a strange, oddly-colored patch on his forehead. It looked as if he had applied too much foundation, but such a thought was ludicrous and I disregarded it.

That was, until he said, "You've been looking at my forehead. I'm glad." He tilted his head toward me with a big smile and went on, "You might be wondering, 'How can this guy's forehead get any more bad ass?' Well, let me show you."

He took his napkin and rubbed away at his forehead. A thick layer of makeup came off to reveal, in red capital letters… his name. Tattooed to his forehead.

"Holy shit, was it ever painful," he said proudly, "Great, right?"

"Um, why?" I asked. The word "psycho" shouted itself louder and louder in my brain.

He said, smugly, "For the same reason that you don't have your name on your own forehead. You think you look better without it, but there's no question that I look better with it. It's bright red. Easier to cover up for business meetings than black."

"But why get it in the first place?"

He grinned and said, "It's the easiest conversation-starter in the world. I'm amazed that more people don't do it. If you're going to get a tattoo and spend the money on it, it has to pay for itself, you know?"

The waiter came by to take our orders. He glanced at Tim's forehead and Tim said, "What do you think of my tattoo?"

"It's cool," the waiter said, "What can I get you for dinner?"

Tim repeated, "It's cool," then said to me, "The waiter thinks it's cool," then said to the waiter, "She doesn't think it's cool."

The waiter said, "I think it's fine, sir. What can I get you?"

Tim stood up and said to me, "Tell you what: I'm going to go up and down the bar, and I'll ask everyone there if they like it. I can tell that you don't, but only because you're probably really shy."

He left the table, to the bewilderment of the waiter. I told the waiter, "Go ahead and put in my order. He'll probably order later."

The waiter did that, and as I watched from across the restaurant, Tim walked down the bar, introducing himself to people sitting there, pointing to his forehead, and occasionally glancing in my direction.

When he returned, he wore a big smile and said, "They loved it. I don't know what your problem is."

I said, "If a random guy came up to me with a forehead tattoo and asked me if I liked it, I'd tell him yes just to get him to go away."

He said, "That's not what they said at the bar. They loved it."

I told him that I had already ordered my dinner, and he said that it was fine. He'd put his own order in. Not long after both of our dishes had arrived, a guy came up to Tim and asked him if he'd mind taking a photo with him.

Tim was all too glad, and he posed with the guy. I could just imagine the caption: "Look at this crazy guy we found at a bar in Tampa. He actually had his name tattooed across his forehead."

When he sat back down, Tim gave me a big smile, and I rolled my eyes. He was nice enough to pay for dinner, and after we parted ways, neither of us ever contacted the other.