8/03/2011

Can You Bounce Bricks Off of It?

Email Sent in by Rita:

Hi I'm Josh and you are so beautiful. I'm sorry if this comes off the wrong way but you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. If your photos are any indicator, that is.

I'm so proud of myself for finding you. We should celebrate by you letting me take you out to dinner. I'm going to send pictures of you to my friends so they can all be jealous of the woman you are, the one I am taking out to dinner.

If we made love I would say that I lived a charmed life. Look at my photos and decide for yourself. I'm at the gym six days a week for someone like you. You can bounce quarters off my ass (people have). My body is your playplace. Use it as you see fit!

I have a cozy underground lovenest where this can take place as soon as this weekend. You will not regret saying yes! yes! yes! to me. What's your number, my love?

Also, you should know that we work together.

Much passion,
Josh
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8 comments:

  1. theMediator8/03/2011 11:02 AM

    If you work with her, why are you so proud of finding her?

    And cozy underground love nest? Purple lampshades and a throw rug to cover the washing machine do not change the fact that it is your parents basement.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Jonathan8/03/2011 11:04 AM

    Gotta be careful that your joke isn't misconstrued as sexual harassment...

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous8/03/2011 11:18 AM

    Cursed Mediator always saying what I'm about to (in this case regarding parent's basement).

    ReplyDelete
  4. kate8/03/2011 11:41 AM

    Uh... it starts with "My name is Josh" and ends with "Much passion, Jeffrey." I'd probably pass.

    And who the hell wants to go to an underground love nest? Sounds more like a bunker. A loooooove bunker.

    ReplyDelete
  5. churro8/03/2011 12:16 PM

    I think guys like these really don't understand the way women think. Or they're just lazy as hell and don't wanna bother with anything more than, "nice shoes, wanna fuck?" (I've had friends like these so at least I kinda understand that mindset.)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Shattering looks8/04/2011 4:35 AM

    Eva Braun once got a message like this, her visit to the underground lovenest didn't go so well

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous8/04/2011 7:17 AM

    Haha, he started off as a garden variety creep but the last line was a real "oh shit" moment.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Slave to ungrateful lawyers8/04/2011 9:52 AM

    the first thing I thought of when I read "underground lovenest" was "It puts the lotion in the basket or it gets the hose again"

    ReplyDelete

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