Story Sent in by Cherese:
I was just out of a long relationship and I thought I'd give online dating a try. I put a profile up and subsequently received a message from Brad. It was intelligent, inquisitive, respectful, and well-written. I wrote him back, and he asked me out.
We had originally planned to do dinner, but on my way to our meeting place, he called and said, "Change of plans: how would you feel about meeting at 162 Feldspar Street?"
I asked, "What's there?"
He asked, "Are you coming or not?"
I replied, "If you tell me what's there."
"Meet me there," he said, and hung up.
I texted him, "I'm not going there unless you tell me what's there."
I pulled over to the side of the road and gave him five minutes to contact me. He didn't, and so I headed home. Then, he called.
"Are you almost here?"
I replied, "What's at 162 Feldspar?"
He sighed and said, "Fine. Let's just do dinner. Meet you there." He hung up again.
I was pretty hungry by that point and I made it to the restaurant. He showed up a couple of minutes later. I asked him, "What was at 162 Feldspar, anyway?"
He said, "I'll tell you once we're inside." Once we were seated, he said, "My friend's throwing a big party at 162 Feldspar, but you obviously hate fun, so here we are at this stupid restaurant."
I was stunned. I said, "If you had just told me it was a party, I would've been down for it. You never answered my questions as to what was there."
He said, "You would've gone? Really?"
I replied, "Yeah. If you had told me."
He stood up and said, "Then let's go!"
I said, "I'm not going, now. You just said that I hate fun and that being out with me was stupid. You think I'd want to go to a party with you?"
He said, "But I'll think you're fun and cool and awesome if you come with me to the party."
I replied, "That's the thing, though: whether we go to the party or not, I won't think that you're any of those things. We planned to go on a date, and then you insult me when we go forward with the plans we both made?"
He said, "You're not making any sense. I'm going to the party. You coming?"
"No."
He left, and I went home. Late that night, he texted me a photo. It was blurry and looked like a picture of people's feet. The text that accompanied it read, "Look at me making out with this girl. Best party ever!" I didn't respond.
He sent me another picture, one that looked like it was taken while pointed into a flashlight. The text read, "I'm making out with another girl now. YEAH." I also ignored that one.
The next day, he texted me three times, variants on the phrase, "Hey, get my texts last night? I had a great time."
I didn't respond to any of his messages, and I think he finally understood that I wasn't interested in replying.
OOooooOOOOooooh, OP missed out on a great guy!!!!!
ReplyDeleteWait, no... dodged a bullet. Somewhat similar but entirely different.
Hm, the guy was brash, but OP was completely inflexible. Maybe its just me that like the unknown and to just go adventuring, but I can't see the point of unless everything is spelled out, and perfectly laid, things can't be done. You'd have gone there, and checked it out, be surprised, maybe have a good night. My opinion. Hate away.
ReplyDeleteShe should have gone to an unknown address, to a place that could have been anything, and wasn't an official business, with a complete stranger she was meeting for the first time...in the name of adventuring?
ReplyDeleteWell obviously, Noma...I mean, sure, she could have found herself in an unsafe neighborhood, being raped, tortured, and slowly murdered. But it's all in the name of adventure, am I right?
ReplyDeleteGirl who goes to dodgy place, has a bad date - commenter's response: OMG OP, what were you thinking? Were you asking to be raped?? Jeez!!
ReplyDeleteGirl who DOESN'T go to dodgy place, has a bad date - commenter's response: OMG OP, what were you thinking? Were you asking to have a bad date because you were so inflexible and unadventurous?? Jeez!!
Of the two, I'd rather be inflexible and unadventurous. My opinion. Hate away, fuckwit.
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ReplyDeleteOr I don't know noma, Jonathan and rpnona, she could have gone there, inside the safety of her car, scouted the area, and used her instincts to decide wether staying or not. Talk to the guy. From the window maybe if that was sketchy. Lock her car doors? Called him back. Checked the place, see what it was about?
ReplyDeleteYou assume dodgy place because you come to a website called "bad case of the dates" and switch to a negative frame. It was an address. Nothing else. It could have been a abandoned shack or a amusement park.
But hey, no grey areas, its all or nothing, black or white - marriage or murder. Under this assumption, i'll start going for dates only between 12-14pm, wearing a bright orange vest, inside a police station, with 5 friends warned and batman on speed dial.
Maybe its the fact im a guy and learned to do for myself early on. Maybe its the fact that I grew up already being set off alone, playing outside for the better parts of my day since I was 4. Maybe since I was never bubbled and feel no risk checking shit out.
ReplyDeleteBut I can't for the life of me understand how an address instills so much fear. People have varying degrees of comfort with this kind of situations, OP's behaviour was fair game, and the date did seem somewhat of a ... I lack a word. Lets say incapable. But I can't agree, sorry about that fuckwit.
@L.Toledo - Know why being a food deliveryman is such a dangerous job? It's because you're being sent to a house filled with strangers, and you don't know what to expect. It could look like a normal house from the outside, but have a torture chamber in the basement. How do you think so many serial killers and kidnappers got away with it for so long? And if you think it wouldn't happen to you because you're a big burly macho man, here's something for you to think about: Pizza Delivery Man Shot and Killed in Maryland
ReplyDeleteI totally get the OP's apprehension. The guy changed the meeting place at the last second and refused to explain. She hadn't met the guy, she didn't even know if he was who he claimed to be. As many, many stories here have shown, the people sending you online messages aren't always who they say they are.
Damn, the link failed. Perhaps you can copy and paste this: http://www.myfoxdc.com/dpp/news/local/pizza-delivery-man-shot-killed-in-seat-pleasant-032811
ReplyDeleteOr, yeah, you could also jump to the conclusion that we're saying that she should have set up the date in police station, wearing an orange vest and all that other junk as opposed to acting like a normal adult and just not going somewhere she didn't feel comfortable.
ReplyDeleteSounds like her instincts were correct, at any rate.
Sorry your parents abandoned you outside alone when you were 4. I'm just kidding, I probably would have done the same if I were your mom.
Feldspar is basically a kind of rock*. So regardless of what was going on at that address, she should have known it would have rocked!
ReplyDelete*Yes, yes, I know it's technically a crystal. But I can't make a bad pun out of "crystal" can I?
L. Toledo: Maybe it's the fact that hardly anyone feels the need to warn men about being raped if they're out late at night/hanging out with some strange girls, whereas women get to hear it all the damn time. I wouldn't go either...It's not like you can spot a rapist/murderer/criminal just by looking. Him appearing "normal" really doesn't count for much.
ReplyDeleteHey everyone, while I'm TOTES w/the OP on avoiding sketchiness, she could have just Googled the damn address. When she saw that it was a residence, she could have asked what was going on there. Perhaps the rest of the date would have had a different conclusion. Maybe she doesn't have a smartphone or something, but there are plenty of ways to access that information other than grilling an obvious asshole for information.
ReplyDeletePS to Toledo: Watching your 4-year-old while s/he plays outside isn't "bubbling"; it's called "good parenting" and "protecting your child from getting kidnapped." I'm curious: how old are you? Were you raised in a time before people had good reason to believe that someone could easily abduct and kill their kids? (That's a legit, trying not to be bitchy but failing question.)
Hey Nikki, she couldn't have googled the address because she was en route to the place they already agreed to meet at. I've done my share of internet dating, and as soon as something sketchy comes up and it doesn't feel right, get the fuck out of there. This is my life and nobody's gonna protect it but me.
ReplyDeleteNikki is right about "good parenting" vs. "bubbling."
ReplyDeleteI have four kids and watch them very closely when they are playing outside. Kidnappings and the like are very rare, but they *do* happen. I don't want my kids to be one of those 1-in-a-million statistics. No thanks.
If she had a smartphone, she could've pulled over and Googled it. Otherwise, she was right to play it safe. If it was innocuous, the guy should've answered her question the first time.
ReplyDeleteYes, Googling isn't a hassle but neither is OPENING YOUR GD MOUTH AND SAYING "There's a party going on."
ReplyDeleteHonestly, you plan on meeting a stranger in a public space then they try to change things last minute but don't want to give you any information? That's crazy.
I was always taught to never to go strangers houses, nobody knows, it could be a whorehouse, then the police breaks in and I get in trouble
ReplyDelete