If Only You Were Less Doofy and Awkward

Story Sent in by Casey:

On my six-month dating anniversary with Rachel, I gave her flowers, took her out to dinner, and bought her a couple of DVDs that she wanted. In return, she promised me a surprise.

"You'll love it," she said, "It's right up your alley."

We made it back to my place and her surprise, it turned out, was a short film she had made for me. "I dramatized the first six months of our relationship!" she said, handing me a DVD. Rachel was in an improvisational theater group, and, according to her, "I cast up a few people to play different roles!"

"You cast people to play you and I?" I asked.

She replied, "I played myself. David played you. It wouldn't be a surprise, otherwise."

David was a friend of hers from a long time ago. They had gone to school together and were in the same theater group. I always had a vague feeling that there might once have been more to their relationship than mere friendship, but she never mentioned anything like that, and so I didn't worry about it.

She put in the DVD and cuddled close to me on the couch. I watched as she and David acted out our first meeting and first date. It was funny, although, as I said to her, "I don't remember being that doofy and awkward."

"You were," she said, and the film went on.

It showed her and David at an amusement park, the very one where I had taken Rachel on our second date, and where we had shared our first kiss.

As I watched herself and David tottering around onscreen, I was a little surprised that they ended up, well, kissing.

I turned to her and she said, "Oh, we were just acting, and I wanted it to be accurate."

It was quick, but it certainly limited my enjoyment for a few seconds, that was, until I saw that she had dramatized our three-hour make-out that we had on our third date. She had even filmed it in her bedroom, where it had actually taken place. As I watched, she and David literally engulfed each other's faces onscreen.

I stopped the DVD and turned to her. "Is this a joke? What the hell?"

"What? What's wrong?" she asked me, as if she really couldn't figure it out.

"You cheated on me. On this video."

She stood up from the couch and said, "I did not! There's nothing between David and I. I just thought it would be funny!"

I said, "You didn't have to make out with him. Dramatize our talks, our silly antics, fine, but this is too far."

She replied, "You're being very insecure right now. I wanted this to be a happy, nice thing."

I said, "This went way too far. How long did you make out with him for? And did you go even further?"

She was crying. She said, "I just wanted to make something nice for you! I'm sorry!"

I turned back to the DVD and hit play. She and David continued going at it. He grabbed her breast and she didn't move his hand away. I hit fast-forward, and I'm not exaggerating when I say that it was nearly three minutes straight of them kissing. I fast-forwarded it some more, and found that a couple of scenes later, they were at it again, kissing on a bed, but wearing even less.

I had seen enough. I ejected the DVD and handed it to her. I said, "I need to be alone for a while. I can't process this right now."

She reached for me, her eyes and face wet, and said, "I'm sorry! I just wanted it to be a nice little thing."

"Okay. Please just go."

I felt bad for kicking her out on our six-month anniversary, but something didn't feel right about the whole thing. Maybe she had meant well. Maybe.

I broke up with her less than a week later. I heard that she went on to date David for about a month, and then she moved across the country by herself.