6/02/2011

What an Inbox of Zero Looks Like

Profile Sent in by R.C.:

Do not message me if...

1) If you drink alcohol (even if it's just a glass of wine on occasion or once a year)
2) If you go out dancing, go to clubs, or bars
3) If you have friends who are guys. Yeah, you heard me, NO GUY FRIENDS (unless it's family)! I don't have a single friend who is a girl, nor do I have any girls on my Facebook (aside from family), or any girls numbers in my phone. So obviously I don't want to date any girl who has friends that are guys, period! I don't want you to drop your guy friends for me, I am just looking for a girl who doesn't have guy friends to begin with.
4) You're boring in the bedroom. Sorry but sex is supposed to be fun and I consider myself a kinky guy. (Not to mention I also have a huge fetish for Double Penetration!)

I will not make ANY exceptions whatsoever for any of these deal breakers so please do not message me if you do not meet that criteria. I will delete your message without responding, period. And if this criteria bothers you, deal with it because I could care less. Sorry!

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15 comments:

  1. Agnes6/02/2011 5:48 PM

    Honestly, online dating is such a boon, because it allows people to be so obvious not being worth your time.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Connie6/02/2011 6:11 PM

    So he wants her to not have any guy friends, but he does want her to be double penetrated? Who is going to be the other piece of bread in this weirdo sandwich?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Jessica6/02/2011 6:44 PM

    I think that alcohol and double penetration usually go hand in hand.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous6/02/2011 8:23 PM

    ^Today's winner

    ReplyDelete
  5. Andrew Lenahan6/02/2011 8:30 PM

    He wants a girl who's wild and fun in the bedroom, but so uptight she never touches a drop of alchohol, doesn't go out, and has no guy friends???

    Good luck with that, dude.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous6/03/2011 9:35 AM

    Srsly, this guy clearly knows how to start a negotiation: high as hell. Or maybe he was when he wrote his profile. Either way, he'll start in the stratosphere, asking for a teetotaler-DP fan but in the end he'll settle for a hand job.

    ReplyDelete
  7. theMediator6/03/2011 12:35 PM

    I actually respect this guy a little bit. He isn't just some random jackass that throws in weird notes in an otherwise vanilla message, he knows what he wants and he isn't willing to compromise.

    He also seems to know what his chances are and isn't bothered by them enough to even consider people that don't meet his criteria.

    He might end up alone, but it'll be on his terms.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Claire (and Nikki)6/03/2011 1:11 PM

    *couldN'T care less. He's currently implying that he has a lot of concern about this matter and that there are lower levels of concern to which he can sink.

    Pet peeve of mine. Otherwise, solid essay on how to die alone.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anthony6/03/2011 11:18 PM

    ^^ I'd always thought that "could care less" was an Americanism. I'm happy to see that there are also Americans that find it annoying!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Kat6/03/2011 11:44 PM

    Some Americans (like this one) find it EXTREMELY annoying. GAH.

    ReplyDelete
  11. J.L.B6/04/2011 2:20 AM

    This American also finds it frustrating when people can't bother to use "could" and "couldn't" correctly. I could care less about the issue, actually.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Zuben6/04/2011 4:50 PM

    Nikki, thank goodness I'm not alone. This "I could care less" screw up is a big pet peeve of mine, as well.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Zuben6/04/2011 4:51 PM

    Nikki,you may have seen this, but if not, you will enjoy it! http://incompetech.com/gallimaufry/care_less.html

    ReplyDelete
  14. Joe6/06/2011 11:45 AM

    I wonder how many girls he pacificly axed to do DP, in public, before resorting to the internet?

    ReplyDelete
  15. Claire (and Nikki)6/10/2011 12:56 PM

    Thanks, Zuben!

    ReplyDelete

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