6/29/2011

Did Ben and Jerry Have it This Rough?

Profile Sent in by Harry:

Who I'm looking for:

Men never cease to amaze me.  They're like little whiny children who scream and stamp until they get their ice cream.  My ice cream is delicious (I've been told by a lot of guys - believe me, A LOT!) and you're not just going to strut into my parlor and taste my flavors.  You're going to have to start at the bottom and work your way up into middle management!

By the way, if you ask me to sample your soft serve on a first date, then you're going to LOSE YOUR SOFT-SERVE DISPENSER.  Guys love showing me their junk!  I can't help it if I'm the kind of girl you want to show it to, but I have standards!  Seriously, guys, not every beautiful woman will be as tolerant of your antics as this one!  You could get in serious trouble!

Anyway, I'm looking for real MEN, and NONE have e-mailed me yet.  All e-mails I've gotten have been from WHINY CHILDREN.  Wrote to me and I haven't responded?  Congrats!  You're a WHINY MANCHILD.

I'm just looking for someone nice???
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13 comments:

  1. Polka Dot6/29/2011 9:10 PM

    Metaphor spill on aisle 4! Cover up your soft-serve dispensers and grab a mop!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Andrew Lenahan6/29/2011 10:03 PM

    Her ice cream includes... management?? Talk about your mixed metaphors.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous6/29/2011 11:51 PM

    I suppose her pie à la mode is out of the question, then?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonyme6/30/2011 12:35 AM

    ^ Lol - yep it seems like rimming to me

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous6/30/2011 2:01 AM

    I love how she thinks it's good advertising to say "I've been told by a lot of guys - believe me, A LOT!" Cause you know, it's *OK* to say you're a slut as long as you use an ice-cream metaphor. 8-)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Nathus Dorkus6/30/2011 5:28 AM

    I'd like to dump my nuts into her-.. Wait.

    ReplyDelete
  7. churro6/30/2011 8:54 AM

    I love these bitchy types that talk to me like they're a drill sergeant. I am a maggot who doesn't deserve to be in your presence! Ma'am, yes ma'am! *drops to the ground and starts doing pushups*

    ReplyDelete
  8. Anonymous6/30/2011 11:07 AM

    Churro, You are a puny puny worm! Lick my boots

    Also, It's always been my dream to be stuck in middle management, such a dream job, real men like to be in middle management

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous6/30/2011 12:09 PM

    I would not want to taste her "chocolate" flavored ice cream.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Howie Feltersnatch6/30/2011 12:17 PM

    I've been told by a LOT of guys...A LOT.
    That's why I offer up a ton of flavors....here are the Top 6

    Chlamydia Chew
    Syphilis Swirl
    Chocolate Crab bits
    Scabies Surprise
    Herpe Slurpy
    Gonorrhea Ripple

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anonymous6/30/2011 12:37 PM

    Howie you always crack me up thanks

    ReplyDelete
  12. JMG6/30/2011 1:40 PM

    ^seconded.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Claire (and Nikki)7/01/2011 10:21 AM

    Ooh! Ooh! I'd like two scoops of Gonorrhea Ripple in a waffle cone with pube sprinkles. Please. <3

    I like all the question marks at the end of her last sentence, as though she's not sure what she's really looking for.

    Also, I wonder if she's a regular reader of this site? The "STOP SHOWING ME YOUR PENIS ON A FIRST DATE" comment is what made me wonder.

    ReplyDelete

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