Why Waiters Hate Us

Story Submitted by Callie:

Ryan and I were out to dinner at a steakhouse, and after our waters were served, we discovered that our table was unsteady.  It wasn't terrible, but it wouldn't be workable for an entire dinner, so I suggested, "Let's switch tables."

"No, we're already sitting here," he said, then folded up a napkin and ducked under the table to slide it under a leg. 

He then returned to his seat and rocked the table gently.  It was still a bit unsteady, but it was better.  "Good job," I said.

"Not good enough," he replied, then ducked back under the table and worked at it some more.

When he returned and tested the table again, it was far worse.  "Just undo what you just did," I suggested.

He ducked back under the table again and our waiter came by.  I said, "Our table's a little rickety.  Could we have a new one?"

"No!" Ryan called from under the table, "I've got this."  He slid back up from the table and tested it.  It was worse.

"Can we switch tables?" I asked the waiter.

"Hang on," Ryan said, "I know what to do."

He ducked under the table again as the waiter and I watched.  The waiter said, "I'd be glad to move you to another table."

"No!" Ryan yelled from under the table, and then he shouted as the table tipped over, bringing the salt, pepper, silverware, and our waters crashing to the floor.  Glass shattered, and I stood up and backed away.

Ryan jumped out from under the table and said, "Damn it!  Look what you made me do!"  His face turned a bright crimson.

The waiter said, "Don't worry about it.  I'll set you up with a new table."

Ryan said, "No, it's too late.  I want my money back, though."

I said, "But we haven't ordered anything yet."

Ryan said, "Then it's too late.  Too late for all of us," and then he stormed out.

I apologized to the waiter, even though I'm pretty sure that I didn't have to, and then I left shortly afterward.