5/16/2011

Tall Talk from a Low-Mileage Guy

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Email Submitted by Ruth:

You don't have a boyfriend and that's why you're on this site. There could be one of many reasons for it. Perhaps your last boyfriend went gay or went for another woman. Perhaps the problem was with you or perhaps with him. Either way you're single now and you are damaged goods.

If you're not totally nuts because of your damage, we can work on a solid relationship together made out of titanium alloy (a strong metal) instead of straw or sticks. I will build it with you.

Write back detailing your damage and I will give you an estimate. Like a car, but something I can have sex with.

Tony
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8 comments:

  1. theMediator5/16/2011 4:52 PM

    I have no idea where to start with this one so I'll just say this. Some people have sex with cars.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous5/16/2011 5:22 PM

    Haha, I was going to say that. Because that's what came to mind when I read the last sentence.

    ReplyDelete
  3. TacoDave5/16/2011 6:40 PM

    This guy is a genius. He has eliminated all non-interested women in one message so he is GUARANTEED to get it on with anyone who responds.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Claire (and Nikki)5/17/2011 1:17 PM

    That last sentence needs to be made into a tee shirt. If only Jared could take the most random phrases and turn them into an apparel line!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous5/18/2011 2:08 AM

    I love how he finds the need to clarify that titanium alloy is a strong metal.

    ReplyDelete
  6. theMediator5/18/2011 10:31 AM

    ^It damn well better be! That's what I have in my leg!

    ReplyDelete
  7. geomorphgirl5/18/2011 4:54 PM

    Nikki, you're a genius! Jared, what about getting threadless to do an ABCotD line? Tea cup girl springs to mind ....

    ReplyDelete
  8. Maria5/19/2011 5:40 PM

    The response:

    You don't have a girlfriend and that's why you're on this site. There could be one of many reasons for it. Perhaps your last girlfriend went gay or got fed up of the car noises in bed. Perhaps the problem was with you or perhaps with her. Either way you're single now and you are damaged goods.

    Since you're totally nuts because of your damage,I regret to inform you that we can't even work on a friendship together made out of aluminum (a weak metal.)
    yours, Ruth

    ReplyDelete

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