Making Spirit Tracks

Story Submitted by Eric:

I wrote to Mona online, and she struck me as a complex but highly likable person.  She wrote me long emails, and it was refreshing to speak with someone who had such varied life experiences.  I liked talking with her online enough to ask her out to dinner.

I work in the music industry, which is volatile at best.  A month earlier, I had applied for a job in Memphis and had just received an interview offer for the week following the date.  During dinner with Mona, that fact somehow or other came up.

I told her, "I'm interviewing for a job in Memphis next week."

Her eyes widened, and she blurted, "Don't go to Memphis.  You'll die."

If she was seeking a way to kill the conversation, then she succeeded in her quest.  After a few moments of silence, I asked, "Why will I die in Memphis?"

She said, "My spirit guides told me just now.  One's a chipmunk and one's an ostrich."  I snorted and couldn't stifle laughter.  She said, "I'm completely serious."

I pointed to an empty spot on the corner of the table and asked, "This the chipmunk?" then backhanded that area, as if to knock a phantom chipmunk off the table.

"No," she said, "and don't oppress me.  I'm telling you the truth, and they're never wrong."

"Oh yes?  What have they been not wrong about?"

"This date," she said, "They told me that you'd ask me out and that we'd fall in love."

At this point, my spirit guides (a half-eaten slice of cheese and a butterfly made of metal with its wings on fire) were flashing me the danger sign.  In a vain hope to salvage something out of the date, I tried to change the subject.

I asked, "You said in your profile that you collect bottle caps.  How big is your collection?"

"Not big enough to save you from certain death in Memphis," she said, "Don't go."

"Okay," I lied, "I won't."  I hurried the date to a close.

After the following week's interview, I was offered the job in Memphis and took it.  Not dead yet.