Story Sent in by Angela:
Craig was from a larger town than my own, about 30 miles west of me. We met online. On our first date, he and I were walking on the back streets of my hometown, toward one of the two restaurants that existed there, when we passed an open manhole surrounded by warning tape and construction pylons.
He stopped and stared at it. "I've always wanted to try this," he said, then stepped over the warning tape and climbed down the manhole without hesitation.
"What are you doing?" I asked, aghast.
He said, "I'll send you a postcard," then disappeared down the hole.
"Come back!" I yelled, but he didn't respond. I looked around. No one else was about, and I wasn't about to enter the manhole myself, so I yelled for him to come back a few more times, then sat beside the open manhole and waited.
A car pulled up and stopped. The driver, a middle-aged woman, pointed at the manhole and asked, "Is someone down there?"
Not wanting to go into details, I said, "My fiance dropped my ring down there, and he's going to get it."
The woman shook her head and said, "You poor thing. Oh well," and then sped away.
About five minutes later, Craig climbed out of the hole, soaking wet from head to toe, and smelling pretty bad. He said, "It's pitch black down there, but there was a ledge."
He stepped closer to me and I recoiled. "What?" he asked, "This is just sweat. It was hot as hell. When we get to the restaurant, I'll paper towel off, or use one of those heat-blowing machines."
I said, "I'd rather not go out with you. You just climbed into a sewer."
"Come on!" he said, "This is just sweat! It'll towel right off! you won't even know!"
I walked away from him, leaving him wet, smelly, and without a date. What on earth he was thinking, I'll never know.
"Craig climbed out of the hole, soaking wet from head to toe, and smelling pretty bad."
ReplyDeleteAh.
To be fair, he was only chasing a white rabbit.
ReplyDelete@ jmg...priceless line, priceless response =)
ReplyDeleteNormally when a person walks away from the date sweaty, smelly and wet it means things went fantastic!
ReplyDeletepicklesinmyass.blogspot.com
^Would you stop advertising your blog? Nobody cares.
ReplyDeleteScientist Fiance's take: "He could have died."
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, right out of college, SF had to take a job going into sewers. SOOOOOOO he kinda knows what he's talking about.
One of the most embarrassing ways to die though...stupidly covered in other people's shit. Or, heat exhaustion, which is really what SF meant as a possible means of death.
She needs to carry around one of these. She could have given it to him.
ReplyDeleteSometimes it's just really difficult to tell your date that you're not attracted to them after meeting them in person. For those occasions there's always the classic "play in sewage till your date ditches you" approach.
ReplyDelete...I'd guess that a lot of folks figure that the sewers are like the cartoon-version, where you have stone walkways on the side, greenish water in the middle, plenty of room to walk around, secret passageways, alligators, ninja turtles, etc...
ReplyDelete...and not what it's really like: a tight cramped space full of toxic chemicals that you need a specially-designed hazmat suit to survive.