Charlie and the Chocolate

Story Submitted by Charlie:

Liz and I met online and one of the first things that she did, via email, was comment on my name.

"Charlie!" she wrote, "Like Charlie in the Chocolate Factory!  You must get that a lot."

"Not really," I wrote back, "But I don't think I'd do well at a real chocolate factory."  I'm allergic to chocolate, but I never made that explicit.  Liz and I talked for a bit more, then set up a date.

We met in a park, after which I had planned to take her to dinner.  Just after we met, she reached into her purse and handed me a little Godiva Chocolate box, the kind that has four little chocolates in it.  She said, "I brought you chocolate!  Get it?  Like Charlie in the Chocolate Factory!"

I smiled and thanked her, then pocketed the little box.  She asked, "You're not going to have one?"

I said, "I probably shouldn't."

"Why not?"

"I'm allergic to chocolate.  It gives me headaches."

She laughed long and hard at that, but I was indeed telling the truth.  "Allergic to chocolate?" she said, "What bullshit.  Come on.  Have one.  I got it for you.  Charlie in the Chocolate Factory!"

"I'm really allergic.  Sorry.  You can have it back if you want.  I probably should've told you, but it never came up before."

"You seriously don't want my chocolate?"

I said, "I do, but it'll give me a raging headache if I eat it."

She extended a hand to me, which I took to mean that she wanted her chocolate box back.  I handed it to her, she opened it, and she ate all four chocolates in a single handful.

"Mmm!  Delicious chocolate!" she said, chewing with her mouth open and smacking her lips, "All for me!"

I had to agree.  "Yep.  All for you."

"And none for you!" she said, laughing through her mouthful of chocolate, "None for Charlie in the Chocolate Factory!"  She pointed and laughed at me, harder and longer than I had ever been laughed at before.

"Thanks," I said, "Have a good night."  I left her there without taking her to dinner, and I went home and heated up some leftovers.  Far preferable to spending one more minute with such a clown.