The Butcher, the Baker, the Sandwich Maker

Story Sent in by Giacomo:

Anna and I met online, and we spoke for a few weeks before she invited me to a pool party at her house. She had invited four other friends, two sets of couples, and so I went into it with high hopes. Anna herself was in a bikini top and sarong skirt, and she gave me a big hug hello.

We were all sitting out by the pool, and hadn't been getting to know each other for too long when one of Anna's friends, Tony, handed his empty lemonade glass to me. He said, "Hey man, be a friend and fill this up for me?"

I wanted to make a good impression on Anna and her friends, so I did the friendly thing and took Tony's glass inside, filled it, and brought it back to him.

When I returned, one of the girls, Marissa, asked me, "While you're up, would you make me a sandwich? Anna said that she has ham, Swiss, and mayo. That sounds good."

"And one for me, too," Tony said.

"And me," another friend, Stacy, said.

I replied, "Maybe we can all go in and make sandwiches together."

Anna put a hand on my shoulder and said to me, "Would you mind making the sandwiches? I'm just catching up with my friends."

I whispered to her, "I assumed that you'd want to catch up with me, too."

She said, "Maybe later. Right now, we're all pretty hungry, so if you could go ahead and make us those sandwiches, that would be great. And make yourself one, too, while you're at it."

I went inside and found all of the sandwich-making materials, but discovered that Anna only had enough slices of bread for five sandwiches. I had the idea to cut them in half so that everyone could have at least one.

Once I made them, I returned outside to find everyone laughing and playing in the pool.

Anna called to me, "Just set them down on the table."

I did that, then sat down to eat one. "What are you doing?" Anna yelled at me, "Can't you wait for us?"

I replied, "Does it matter? Anyone can come and grab one when they're ready."

She called back, "Are those half-sandwiches?"

"Yes."

She climbed out of the pool in a rage, as her friends watched. She looked down at the sandwiches, picked one up, and said, "What the hell school of sandwich-making did you go to, that you cut these so small?"

I answered, "You only had enough bread for five full sandwiches, and there are six of us."

"Um, hello!" she said, "So you come out here and tell me, and I give you the money to go out and buy more bread! Are you stupid?"

Before I could reply, she picked up the plate of sandwiches, but I jumped from my chair and grabbed as many as I could.

She tossed the remaining ones into the pool and then turned to me and made a grab for the ones that I held.

I stuffed one into my mouth and carried the rest away. She chased me around the pool, screaming, "Thief! Thief! Give those back!"

I was faster and flew from the backyard and her house. Once in my car, I drove away, the Res used sandwiches thrown hastily in my front passenger seat.

She wrote me a long, long email about what an disrespectful asshole I was. I replied to inform her that I was there as her date, not as a servant. No response to that.