Email Submitted by Josie:
Hey!
I like your profile which is why I'm writing to you. We live in the same town and it's a snowstorm out! I have a deal for you: I can bake cookies for you if you come shovel me out.
I have a driveway that's about a hundred feet long but it feels like a mile in the winter! If you don't mind a tiny bit of manual labor then I'll slave over a hot stove to make you cookies. What a deal!
In addition to making you cookies I will also do whatever else you want in the sexual department. It's cold out, people aren't really going anywhere, but I will for you. Once you're done shoveling my driveway you can come inside to eat cookies (which will be the best you've ever had btw) and loads of sex. All for a little bit of work on your part.
People who have shoveled my driveway before say that it "seems to take no time at all" to shovel. It's long but narrow. I'd do it myself but I will not want to.
So a mouth orgasm (in the guise of my cookies) and a lower body orgasm (in the guise of our sex together) await you, all for a little bit of work in my driveway. After all, what else are you doing today?
Jon
We need a tag that has something to do with asking strangers to perform inappropriate tasks/give them random amounts of money/let them crash at your place.
ReplyDeleteI thought this was a girl asking for a guy to do her work, but nope, someone's obviously trying to defy heteronormative roles.
ReplyDeleteLol, that's a guy asking a girl to shovel his driveway and then he'll let her have sex with him. Fantastic.
ReplyDeleteThis dude shortchanged himself. I would've asked for a little cash on top of the shoveling and sex.
ReplyDeleteNo way!.. wow.
ReplyDelete*Funny how he says the cookies will be "the best you've ever had" but doesn't about the sex.
"So were they chocolate chip cookies or peanut butter?"
ReplyDelete...was what I was going to say until I read it was a guy writing this. Forgot it was Opposite Day.
I bet if this would have been a profile with a pic of a cute girl submitting this email to a guy we would have never read it...because the guy would have been hacked to pieces by the psycho that really sent the message long before the guy would have had time to post it.
ReplyDelete1. I wonder what else is long but narrow...
ReplyDelete2. "in addition cookies I'll do whatever else sexual..." - clearly he's done things with cookies I've never even dreamed of!
Dear Jon:
ReplyDeleteMight I suggest that if you are in search of a prostitute, you're just going to have to suck it up and pay cash. Google "escort service" and I'm sure you'll have better luck than on a dating site (where most women take offense at being called a whore).
Perhaps if his "driveway" was not so narrow and actually took a bit more time to "finish shovelling" instead of being done so quicker, he would have more volunteers, and wouldn't have to "do it himself" all the time.
ReplyDelete@Kat
ReplyDeleteYou forget that he was the one offering sex as a "reward." So he was the whore in this scenario, not her.
I suppose that's one possibility, but I saw it as cookies in exchange for snowshoveling, as a means to get her there to get him some sex for nothin'. An "in-call," as it were. Hence the whole trying to get a hooker but without paying cash thing. Generally, if he wants an "in-call," a pro will demand money, and anyone else will be insulted at his insinuation that he views her as, basically, a whore that he doesn't have to pay for.
ReplyDelete