Yankee Doodle and Howdy Doody

Story Submitted by Scott:

In my profile, I always list that I'm a Republican for a few reasons. First, I live in a very blue state, and if someone's going to be put off enough for it to be a dealbreaker, better they know upfront. Secondly, I find that I usually attract more intelligent people, as they're willing to engage me in insightful debate as well as respectful dialogue, regardless of their political leanings.

The date that prompted me to make it a permanent fixture in my profile was the one I had with Jennifer. I liked her profile and wrote her as soon as I could. We traded emails and politics never came up. She was a teacher, I worked in college administration. We set up a date.

This wasn't long after the healthcare overhaul passed. During the date, at a restaurant, it somehow came up before we had ordered our dinners.

"Can you believe those fucking Republicans?" I believe were her exact words, "It's like they're pure evil. Who can be against healthcare?"

I'm a moderate, but I certainly had my own opinions on the matter, and they didn't completely match hers. I responded as delicately as possible, "I think it's more a question of how it'll be paid for. It's not that they're against healthcare. There are some major questions about how the bill will be funded."

"Yeah, but universal healthcare," she stated, as if that was a firm enough rebuttal to my concern, then, "You're not some kind of Republican apologist, are you?"

I said, "No. I'm an actual Republican."

She laughed, then asked, "Are you serious?"

I nodded. "Afraid so. We can still have a nice night, though, can't we?"

She stared at me like I was some mythical beast. "Holy shit," she said, "So you want to outlaw abortion and give huge tax cuts to the wealthiest one percent?"

I replied, "I'm not a social conservative, but definitely a fiscal one. I think that a lot of Obama's ideas are great in theory, but we can't afford to keep borrowing money to fund them."

"So you plan to outlaw abortion, give tax cuts to the wealthy, and rip up the environment to pay for it? What's a few human rights here or there? Holy shit."

I said, "It's not like that."

She banged on the table and said, "We won, asshole! This isn't the fifties! Yes we can! Yes we can!"

I replied, "Whoever won, everyone's going to have to work together for the good of the country, and no one, Democrat or Republican, can do it alone."

"Yes we can, motherfucker," she sat back and was nearly spitting with rage, "Yes we can. We won. You lost. Yes we can."

I asked, "Want to call it a night?"

She stood up and said, "There's nothing I'd like more," then added, "No offense."

"None taken," I said, as pleasantly as possible. I stood up and walked her out.

Her last words to me, as we parted outside the restaurant, were, "I hope you get a bit smarter. The future of the country depends on it."

"Good night," I said, and we both returned to our cars, never to speak again.