Stomach Ache? Blame This Woman.

Story Submitted by Ted:

I met Alyssa at a tasting at a local wine shop. She had a great smile and was the only other person there who was around my age, so it was pretty easy to bond.

We went on a date to a community theatre performance and then to dinner. We were having a pleasant time at dinner when she received a text.

"Crap," she said, checking her phone screen, "My best friend has a migraine."

I said, "I'm sorry to hear. I hope that she feels better."

"She's psychic," Alyssa went on, "And she gets them when something big is about to happen."

"I see."

A moment later, Alyssa received another text. She read it and said, "This is weird," she looked up at me, "She said it concerns you. She's seeing your image."

I'm not the brightest guy, but I know when I'm being played. I asked, "Is this your way of saying that we should just be friends?"

She said, "No! I'm serious!" She showed me the texts, which said exactly what she had just read to me.

I said, "Weird. Does she say that I'm going to enjoy my dinner?"

Alyssa shook her head gravely. "It always means trouble."

Another text arrived. Alyssa read it and said, "She says that she has a migraine because you're sending her bad energy."

I replied, "I've never even met her before. Why would I send her bad energy."

"It's not always conscious," Alyssa explained, "I don't know how it works, but she's in a lot of pain so you should stop."

"How do I stop if it's not conscious?"

She texted her friend that question. Her friend texted back, "Tell him to think of a pleasant memory."

To test it out, I thought of an unpleasant memory, and when Alyssa asked, I told her that I was thinking about my college graduation (which was not the memory of which I was thinking).

Her friend texted her and said, "I feel a bit better."

Alyssa thanked me. I told her, "Weird that that worked. I actually thought of a bad memory to see if your friend was full of it or not. Guess we have the answer."

Alyssa asked, "You actually thought of something bad? You could have killed her! You think this is a joke?"

I said, "'Bad energy?' A migraine cured because I think happy thoughts? Yeah. I kind of do think that."

Alyssa said, "This isn't going to work."

I held my stomach and said, "Ow! Your bad energy is giving me gas. Quit it."

Alyssa rolled her eyes. "Okay, that's enough," she muttered.

Since then, I've tried to use my migraine-causing superpower multiple times on other people, but I guess it's only good on one person. Alyssa's the blessed one, though. Everyone gets gas.