Popeye: The Later Years

Story Submitted by Brie:

I met Andrew when I was 19.  He was a friend of a friend.  I took the bus to meet him downtown.  He wore denim overalls with no shirt and a pair of flip flops.  He was nearly covered in tattoos that looked as if they were all drawn on by a drunken sailor on a boat in bad weather.  One design, featured prominently, was of a devil having sex with a skull.

As for Andrew's hair, it was shaved into a mohawk.  I was already not feeling it, but decided that it would be premature to end things just because of how he looked.

On our way to dinner, he confessed, "So, I'm pretty much broke, but I know the guy who runs this sandwich place.  He'll set us up."

The only things his "guy at the sandwich place" set us up with for free were two waters.  Andrew and I sat down, and he mentioned his three-year-old son, his bitch of an ex wife, and how she left him when he was in jail.  He said, "I was set up, first of all.  Secondly, I hope that my fucking ex-wife dies."  He also mentioned that he had met with his parole officer shortly before our date.  That was reassuring.

After finishing our waters, he asked if we could stop into a nearby department store to pick up some clothes for his kid.  We weren't in there for too long before I realized that he meant for me to purchase the items myself.

"It'll really help me out," he said, "And it'll prove to me that you can be a provider.  I bet that you'd make a great mother.  Maybe we could practice making babies sometime."

I said, "I have to go."

"I'll walk you to your bus."

"No."

I fast-walked out of the store with him trailing behind me, but as I rounded a corner, I sped up, lost him, and made it onto a bus just as it was leaving.

He called me the next day. I wasn't communicative, and he put his son on the phone to talk to me. I said not a word to his son because, really, what could I say to a child that kept saying "Hi!" over and over again. Not like I would ever meet the kid.

He got back on the phone with me and asked, "Maybe we could get together again and, you know, bump some uglies?" 

I told him, “No thanks,” and hung up. He called a few more times, but I didn't pick up.