I Hollered, "Someone Shave Me!"

Story Submitted by Alex:

Patty and I had been together for a solid two and a half months when the date arrived for her cousin's wedding.  It was being held at a resort a few hours away from where we lived, and Patty and I stayed overnight in her aunt's house (which was close to the venue) the night before.

That morning, we woke up early and dressed for the event.  I showered, brushed my teeth, and realized that I had forgotten my razor.  I had a couple of days' worth of stubble, and it was my intent to shave it off, so I asked Patty if she had a razor I could borrow.

"No," she said.

I asked, "Does your aunt have a spare razor I could use?"

Patty said, "I'll go ask."

She returned with a sharp kitchen knife and placed it on the counter by the bathroom sink.  I asked her, "What am I supposed to do with this?"

"Shave."

I said, "Why don't I run out somewhere to grab a razor?"

She glanced at her wrist, but wasn't even wearing a watch, and said, "There's no time.  We leave in 20 minutes.  Use the knife!"

"I'm not going to shave with a knife."

"Why not?"

"It's not safe or sanitary."

She said, "You have to shave with something."

I replied, "I think I'd rather show up with stubble than attempt to shave with a knife.  I'd rip my face up."

"I'll do it for you."

"No.  You'll rip my face up."

"It will be humiliating to be seen with you if you don't shave."

"And it will be humiliating for me if you don't cut the drama.  It's really not a big deal."

I didn't end up shaving with the knife, she barely spoke to me the entire time we were there, and we broke up shortly afterward.