Cold, Cold Apple Pie

Story Submitted by Nick:

I took Patty out to dinner for our first date. It was a good time (mini-golf and dinner) and when the time came for a second date, I asked her and she accepted, "But," she said, "it's under the condition that I pay for everything."

That wasn't necessary or expected, but she insisted, and I agreed. Sweet deal, as far as I was concerned.

The night of the date, she asked me if I could meet her at a particular restaurant that was way out of my price range. I told her, "You don't have to take me out to such a place."

She replied, "It's no trouble to meet you there, honestly."

Indeed she did meet me there, but after our hug, I opened the door for her to go inside. She asked, "What are you doing? We're not eating here."

I replied, "Oh, I thought—"

"That I'd be paying $40 apiece for dinner? Ha! No. I just picked this place out as a meeting place. I'm taking you somewhere a bit less formal."

She took me to a Burger King. Not exactly haute cuisine, but she was paying, so I really shouldn't complain. Then again, she had given me the very strong impression that we were eating elsewhere and had done nothing to dissuade that belief.

What also was unusual was that she bought a dollar-menu hamburger for both of us. "To split," she explained, "Easy on the wallet and the waistline!"

We sat down and I thanked her, but said, "I may grab something extra, with my own money, as I'm not sure that half a burger will be enough for me."

She said, "It's enough for me, but whatever."

I ended up grabbing a chicken sandwich and an apple pie. When I brought them back to the table, she asked if she could have some of each, and I shared them with her.

After dinner, I asked her what else she wanted to do. She replied, "Hide and seek? I don't know."

I offered, "How about coffee?"

She said, "Ugh, fine."

"Is there something wrong with coffee?"

She said, "I'd rather go hang out with my friends. You can come along if you want."

I asked, "Oh, so the date's over?"

She said, "Yeah. You really should've given me more apple pie."

"You could have taken as much as you wanted."

She said, "I'm going to go see my friends and then we'll come back here and eat apple pies all night. Without you."

I wrinkled my brow and asked, "Patty, did I miss something?"

She replied, "No, but you will: me. Adios." With that, she walked back to her car and drove off. Strange way to sign off of a potential relationship, but at least apple pie was involved.