Paging Sisqo

Story Submitted by Mia:

Claude wrote to me online and said that I could ask him anything.  "I'm an open book: no secrets," he said.  It was a nice sentiment to read, although I'm the type of person to let things run their own course.  No need to rush into any personal questions that don't come up naturally.

We got along just fine by email, and he asked me out for a coffee and a walk.

Things went south not five minutes after sitting down at coffee.  He asked, "So, do you wear thongs?"

I replied, "I don't really want to answer that."

He smiled and said, "That means yes.  Cool.  Wearing one now?"  I didn't reply, as I couldn't find appropriate words fast enough.  He went on, "I mean, seeing as how we're both cool with asking personal questions."

I said, "You were the only one who said that you were cool with it.  I'm not going to answer everything you ask, especially if your questions are inappropriate."

He shifted in his seat and said, "Well, if you don't answer anything then how will I get to know you?"

I replied, "By asking me more about who I am and less about what I'm wearing."

"So you are wearing a thong!" he said, a bit too loudly, "I knew it!"  He leaned closer to me and his eyes went wide like a famished wolf spying on a herd of sheep.  "Describe it?"

I said, "Tell me about the programming you do."

He stood up and said, "You want to take that walk now?  Let's take a walk."

As I said, we had sat down to coffee not five minutes before.  "We just sat down," I said, "Can we stay here for a bit?"

He said, "I'm going to keep asking you about your thong unless we take a walk now."

I stood up and followed him out.  We walked about a block in silence, and he said, "So, what color is your thong?"

I stopped walking, said, "This isn't going to work.  Thanks for the coffee," and left him standing there.  For the record, I was not wearing a thong.