Gym Socks Everywhere Quake in Fear

Story Submitted by Paul:

Heather was a 24-year-old I took out for coffee on a first date.  We were talking about favorite books when she said, "By the way, don't even think about trying anything with me, tonight."

I laughed and said, "Don't assume that I'd want to."

She said, "That's nice.  Why did you even ask me out in the first place?"

I said, "To get to know you, not to take advantage of you."

She considered that, then pivoted right back into literature.  After five minutes, I had mostly forgotten that we had even had that uncomfortable conversation.

Then, during a lull, she brought it up again: "I know you're thinking about taking advantage of me.  Cut it out."

I said, "I wasn't.  I was actually thinking of something fun we could do together after this."

"Like taking advantage of me."

"I wasn't thinking that, no."

"Of course you were: you're a guy."

I said, "Stop thinking about marriage, kids, shopping, and chocolate."

She said, "I'm not thinking about those."

"Of course you were.  You're a girl."

"That's not how girls think."

"And you know how guys think?"

She laughed at that and energetically nodded.  I could have kept arguing the point, but my parents always taught me not to bang my head against a wall, and so I let us slip back into an uneasy silence for a good ten minutes. 

Finally, I said, "I have a couple of ideas for things we can do."

She stood up, went to the counter, and ordered two more drinks.  She returned to the table and put them both in front of herself. "I'm staying here," she said, "You do whatever you want, but if you think I'm going to follow you anywhere so you can just take advantage of me, then you're mistaken."

I stood up, myself, and said, "I'd rather take advantage of a gym sock.  Excuse me."  I left.

"Hey!" she yelled as I left, but I was out of there.