The Gift of Mammal

Story Submitted by Reggie:

Ashley, who I met on the Internet, arrived on our first date (which was at a restaurant) with an unexpected couple of "friends."  She brought along a little plastic terrarium with two little white mice and a small pile of wood shavings.

"One of them is for you," she informed me with a smile.

I hadn't recalled any such arrangement in any of our online or telephone exchanges, and while I didn't mind mice, it seemed a strange sort of offering.

"I appreciate it," I told her, "But I'm not sure if I'd really like a pet mouse."

"Why not?" she asked.

I said, "For one, I don't have something in which to transport him once you give him to me.  I can't keep him in my pocket."

She glanced at the terrarium, which she had set on the table, and said, "They're both girls.  Do you think I'm stupid?"

I assured her that I didn't, but that I simply didn't have something in which to transport it... her... the mouse.  She groaned, grabbed my full water glass from off the table, stood up, and walked away.  She returned with it empty, then opened up the terrarium, took out a pinch of wood shavings, sprinkled them in the bottom of the water glass, then tried to scoop a mouse out from the terrarium.

She tilted it precariously, and faster than a wink, one of the mice leapt out, past the glass, and jumped onto the table surface.  It didn't jump off the table, but it ran around from corner to corner like mad.

I thought, we're going to create a panic, and I scooped it up with my hands as quickly as I could catch it.  I told Ashley, "Give me the terrarium!"

She said, "Put it in your glass.  It's yours, now!"

The thing was scratching and possibly biting the insides of my hands.  I yelled, "Give me the terrarium!"

She jumped back a little (I probably shouldn't have yelled as loud as I did) and slid the open terrarium over to me.  I gently put the mouse inside.

"Ooh, your hand," Ashley pointed out, and yes, it was bleeding just a little bit.  Ashley said, "You can take the other one if you get along better with her."

I excused myself to use the restroom and clean up.  When I returned, Ashley was eating a salad and the mice were nowhere to be seen.  She said, "I had to hide them.  I put one of them in your water glass under the table, I think the one that didn't bite you."

I left it down there and ordered dinner for myself.  Ashley suggested a salad, as I could feed carrots and lettuce to "my" mouse.  I didn't have very much to say to Ashley, and dinner was awkward.

Not long after, I asked for the check, paid it, and stood up to leave.  She shot up in front of me, as if to stop me from leaving.  She said, "Whoa, whoa, what about your mouse?"

Using the excuse I came up with while in the bathroom, I said, "I don't really think I'm responsible enough for a pet, right now."

She said, "But they're so easy to take care of!"

I said, "I'd rather not, but I appreciate the offer."  That's right.  Be polite and nice and then leave as fast as possible.

She sank back down to her seat, said, "I can't believe you.  Fine.  Just go."

Didn't have to tell me twice.