Egg-Ceptional Powers

Story Submitted by Stan:

In her second message to me (I had written her first), Jennifer claimed that she occasionally heard from spirit guides about the future, and that they always turned out to be right.  My personal opinion is that such claims are always bullshit, but I don't have a problem respecting someone else's beliefs if they respect mine (or lack thereof).

She didn't allude to it too much more via e-mail, and I didn't ask her anything about it, as it wasn't a topic that really interested me.  On the date, though, she pulled it out in spades.

Within ten minutes of having met, she did a weird quivery thing with her lip and stared at a spot above my head.  We were outside, and so I turned around to see what it was at which she was looking.  A streetlight?  A telephone pole?

"A spirit guide," she said, "It has a message for you.  Would you like to hear it?"

"No thanks," I said, "But are you ready for lunch?"

She said, "You'll probably really want to hear this.  It concerns you and something big."

I shrugged.  "I'm good.  So, lunch?"

"I kind of have to tell you this.  I'll be responsible if I don't."

"No.  Drop it, please."

She sighed loudly and was quiet through most of lunch.  I did most of the talking, and she did very little of the responding, so it became clear pretty soon that this would be a one-date engagement.

Close to when I was hoping to wrap things up, she said, "Ouch!" and rubbed her upper arm.  Then, "Ouch!" again, and then "Ow!" a third time.

I asked, "You okay?"

She said, "It's the spirit.  It really wants me to tell you this thing."

I groaned, told myself, first and only date, and indulged her: "Fine.  What does it want you to tell me?"

She said, "It wanted me to warn you not to eat the egg salad sandwich."  She pointed to my lunch, which had been an egg salad sandwich, and continued, "It's bad and might make you sick."

I looked down at the sandwich, then up at her.  She said, "If you let me tell you before, then I could've warned you, but now you're probably going to get sick.  I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

We said goodbye and parted in good spirits.  That was a good year ago, and I haven't been sick from the sandwich yet, but maybe it's on time-release, and I'll be feeling it soon.  Or maybe not.