Why He's Still Single

Story Submitted by Sonia:

Since I go to school, work full-time, and have a child, the overwhelming majority of my dates are Internet dates.  I met Will online, and he offered to drive to my town to meet me for our date.  At first, I thought, "What a considerate guy!"

Will took me to a Borders Bookstore and I ordered a coffee in their cafe.  Will said, "I don't drink coffee," so he watched me drink.  He then pointed to the peppermint sticks for sale at the counter.  "Those look like vibrators, don't they?"

It was an unsettling comment, and he followed it up with, "What are some good ethnic restaurants in the area?"

It was suburbia, so there wasn't too much was going on.  In the few moments it took me to think, he blurted, "You're a Latina.  shouldn't you automatically know where the closest Latino restaurants are?"

I frowned at that, and he said, “Sonia, this is why you’re still single.”

We ended up at a Brazilian buffet restaurant in the next town.  There was a small band playing and it seemed like a nice place.    Before being seated, Will insisted on inspecting the buffet.  "Just in case there's something weird," he said.

While he was off inspecting, the waitress asked, "Is he your boyfriend?"

"Hell no," I replied.

During dinner, Will asked me if I wanted to dance to the band's music.  There was no one else dancing, and we were in the middle of our food, so I declined.  Then, he again said, "Sonia, this is why you’re still single."  Good lord.

I drove him back to a train station, as I didn't want him to miss the last train back to his town.  On the way, he made all sorts of gentlemanly comments: "It smells like some Chinese food took a crap in here."  "Your car makes a lot of noise."  "We should stop for condoms."

We reached the train station, not nearly fast enough for me.  Right before he exited the car, he grabbed my breast, squeezed it, and said, "Honk!"

"Get the fuck out!" I yelled, "You're going to be single for a lot longer than I will, you asshole!"

I drove away, hoping to find my dignity on the side of the road.    At any rate, I went home, showered, and hoped to forget that the evening had ever happened.

The next morning, I got an email from Will telling me what a good time he had on our date.

Dates likes these are the real reason why I am still single.