Plunging into Madness

Story Submitted by Claire:

Before we met for the first time, Franklin told me a lot of stories about his family.  His mother and grandfather had raised him, and apparently disagreed about everything.  This resulted in some really great stories, and I told him that I hoped to meet these colorful people one day.

This gave Franklin an idea: "You can meet them before I take you out," he said, "But fair warning: they're nuts.  And my grandfather's been erratic lately.  No joke."

I drove to his mother's house and Franklin met me on the porch.  "We can't find my grandfather," he said, "He does this every now and then.  Hides on us, thinks it's a game."

Franklin assured me that his grandfather had to be somewhere in the house, due to the recent installation of new locks on the doors.  I volunteered to help him and his mother search.

I made it down to the basement, looked behind some bins, and called upstairs, "He's not down here!"

Suddenly, I felt something rubbery smash against the back of my head.  I screamed and turned.

From a doorway I hadn't noticed, a tiny old man hoisted an old toilet plunger over his head and yelled, "Trespass!  Trespass!"

He swung the plunger at me and I nearly fell backward to avoid it.  I ran upstairs to see Franklin blocking the exit, as he had come when he heard me scream.

"Out of the way!" I yelled, and pushed him aside to avoid the little elderly man who was right on my heels.

Franklin stopped his grandfather at the cellar doorway, but not before his grandfather clocked him a few times in the face with the plunger.  Franklin took it from him and set his grandfather down in a kitchen chair.  "It's okay, gramps, it's Claire.  She's a friend of mine.  A friend."

Still slightly panicked, I asked Franklin, "Are you going to get him some help?"

Franklin said, "No.  He's sharp.  He just likes seeing what he can get away with."

As if in answer, Franklin's grandfather looked at me and said, "Ooh, she pretty," and kissed at me.

I said, "Thanks for hitting me with a toilet plunger."

He replied, "A man has a right to protect his home and family."

Franklin and I went out on a few dates and became good friends, but that first interaction with his family is not one I'll soon forget.