Lucky He Didn't Ask to Change the Channel

Story Submitted by Donald:

In college, I had taken one of my fellow students, Claire, out on a date.  It had gone well, and she invited me back to her room to watch a movie over a bottle of wine.

She poured out a bag of tortilla chips into a bowl and excused herself to use the restroom.  I grabbed a chip and ate it.  She returned and asked me if I had eaten any of the chips.

"Yes," I said, "I had one."

She frowned at me and said, "You didn't wait for me?"

I said, "I'm sorry.  I would have, if you asked me to."

She said, "Whatever," then flopped down next to me on the couch, turned on the TV, and put on some MTV reality show.

After a minute, I asked her, "Did you want to watch a movie?"  She gestured at the TV, as if watching a movie was what we were already doing.  I said, "This is a reality TV show."

She jumped up, nearly knocking the coffee table over, and said, "We'll watch a movie, then!  We always do whatever Don wants!  Why should he have to compromise?"

She walked to her little entertainment center and began throwing DVDs over her shoulder, some nearly hitting me.  She continued, "He'll come in and eat your chips!  He'll demand to watch what he wants to watch!  Whatever Don wants!  Whatever Don wants!"

I stood up and said, "Claire, I had no idea that eating chips that you put in front of me would offend you so much, and you invited me back here to watch a movie.  What's wrong?"

She jumped up, threw a DVD case to the floor, and yelled, "What else can I do for you, my lord?  Can I bake you anything?  Want grapes on a silver platter?"

She was nuts.  I wanted out of there.  I made for the door, but she grabbed my arm and pulled me back.  "Don't go, your majesty!  Why won't you let me get down on my hands and knees for you?  Here!"  She grabbed the bowl of tortilla chips and dumped them all at my feet, on the floor.  "Here!  Eat them!  Eat them!"

I left as quickly as I could, and practically ran down the sidewalk.  The last thing I wanted was for her to follow me and cause a scene.

I made it my business to avoid her after that, and I was told that she said to her friends that I had been a complete asshole over the entire date.  Nothing could be further from the truth, but I simply don't have time for the delusional.