Is This Pot? The Kettle Called.

Story Submitted by Kisha:

Richard was a co-worker of Cindy, a good friend of mine.  Cindy talked him up so much that it was hard to not expect an amazing man.

We met at a bar.  He was already there when I arrived, and he gave me a crushing bear hug.  He ordered me a drink and I sat next to him.  He said, "Don't get too comfortable.  We're not staying at this bar.  I saw the bartender looking at you.  He's an asshole."

I said, "Uh... okay.  We can go wherever.  Did you have a good day?"

He went on, "A piece of shit asshole.  Probably never gets any action 'cause he's behind the bar, but he looks at you and we move on, so that's it."

We had just met, and he seemed to like me, so I wasn't going to write him off just yet.  Still, yes, alarm bells were going off.

We walked down the block to a restaurant.  He walked in front of me, as opposed to both of us walking aside each other.  When I moved alongside him, he stopped and said, "You're in front or you're behind.  Which is it?"

I asked, "Can't we walk next to each other?"

He said, "We'd be blocking the sidewalk, then, like those asshole couples who always block sidewalks.  I'm not one of those asshole couples, are you?"

He led the rest of the short distance to a very fancy restaurant.  He pointed to the menu and said, "Take a look.  Think it's worth the price these hoity-toity assholes charge?"

I said, "It might be.  I've never been here before."

He said, "I have.  Assholes.  Let's keep going."

We went on and entered a pub.  He strode right past the host's station and sat down in a corner booth.  I followed him and sat down across from him.  The host caught up with us and said, "I'm sorry, folks.  This section is closed.  Can I seat you elsewhere?"

In response, Richard lit up a cigarette.  The host said, "Sir, you can't smoke in here."

Richard took a puff, then stood up and said to me, "Come on.  We're getting out of here.  Bunch of assholes."

We left the pub and as we walked further down the sidewalk and away from where most of the restaurants in town seemed to be, I told Richard that I was hungry.  He said, "Not my problem.  Tell these assholes to stop kicking us out of places."

I said, "They're not kicking us out of anywhere.  You're acting like an asshole."

He stopped and turned to me.  He said, "Go get your own dinner, then.  Bet I find a place before you."  He flicked his cigarette at my feet and turned back to town.

I waited a few minutes before crossing the street and walking back, myself.  Once inside my car, I drove back home.

I asked Cindy why she thought someone like Richard would be a good match for me.  She claimed that he was the nicest guy at work, and that my description of him didn't match up at all.  Regardless, I haven't trusted Cindy to set me up with anyone since then.