Story Submitted by Sheri:
Bruce was a boyfriend from high school, and after we broke up we stayed friends and remained in contact through the years. We hadn't seen each other in some time and we dated other people. As time went on, we were less in touch.
Out of the blue, he called to ask me on a date. The thing was, I was seeing someone else, and it was becoming pretty serious. I asked Bruce if he'd be okay with going out as friends, and he agreed to it.
At dinner, Bruce had a couple of drinks and was a little too touchy-feely. He'd reach across the table to take my hand and not let go, or he'd sandwich my ankle in between his ankles under the table and give it a squeeze. Each time, I was able to slip out of his grasp, but it made me uncomfortable.
Bruce seemed particularly interested in the guy I was seeing. He asked what the guy did, and I told him, "A doctor."
"Ha!" Bruce said, "Doctors are emotionless assholes. Is he ever home?"
Taken aback, I said, "He treats me fine."
"I'd treat you better."
"I don't want to talk about that."
"Because you know it's true. I even got you a gift." He pulled a small, gold box out of his pocket, like the kind of box that would store a bracelet. I opened it and felt my chest tighten so much that it hurt.
It was a crumpled, brittle, yellow mass. It was a used condom.
"It's from our first time," he said, "Our first time with anybody. I saved it through the years."
I dropped the box on the table, my hand covered my mouth, and I left that instant. He followed me out, calling my name. I wheeled on him and yelled, "Get the fuck away from me, psycho! Get the fuck away!" and practically ran down the sidewalk, away from him.
He wrote me an e-mail that night, but I deleted it at once and blocked his address. Thank God he's never tried to reach out again. What the hell did he think I was going to do? Gush with nostalgia?
hahaha..."Gush" with nostalgia...that's the 'SPIRIT"!
ReplyDeleteWell yeah! That's exactly what he thought, you cold hearted vixen you. Nice way to treat a friend. Methinks you overreacted, big time by screaming and running.
ReplyDeleteI mean a laugh and a "that's so gross! Dude grow up, we are not going there!" would have sufficed. Then tell him plainly and clearly you are not interested and end the date as soon as possible.
Eeeeeeeeeeeew.
ReplyDelete@Error - I hope to God you are being sarcastic. Who the hell keeps a USED condom for YEARS, that is not only psychotic but down right DISGUSTING! Seriously I don't think she overreacted one bit. If that had happened to me I too would have RUN. Good job OP what a freak
ReplyDeleteHonestly ladies, when an ex calls you to hang out out of the blue its an obvious sign he wants to hook up. Even if you tell him you want to hang out as friends its still an opening for him to get into your pants.
ReplyDeleteBut I agree with you on this one, this dude was hilarious/psyho.
So, again, I is on da fence with this one. I agree with Float--CLEARLY the ex wanted to hook up, regardless of her relationship status. I also agree that he was psychotic.
ReplyDeleteHowever... She should've laid down the law when he was touchy-feely. The first time. He clearly didn't understand his boundaries, and she didn't exactly make them obvious by simply slipping from his grasp and not saying anything.
For real though I would've run off too. :)
People do much weirder things all the time. This condom thing is kind of gross, but it's a good opportunity to make fun of an old friend mercilessly for the next few years.
ReplyDelete@Error & @Anne
ReplyDeleteObviously this wasn't her type of humor, and the guy was making her uncomfortable, I might not have freaked out, but I certainly would have left.
I didn't say she should date the guy! I suggested she should lighten up.
ReplyDeleteFine, tell him he's nasty and she's not interested firmly, then end the date. The freak-and-run was not necessary - ONLY because this was an old friend. Had it been some random internet dude, a kick to the nads would have been more appropriate. Although this would never happen had they not already done the deed.
In a weird way, it's kinda sweet he had a memento. A crusty condom may not have been the best choice, but isn't it the thought that counts? I actually think it's pretty funny.
Man, aren't there any romantics on this site? It was a sweet gesture, a demonstration of sexual sentimentalism. That was their virginity condom!
ReplyDeleteSO CREEPY
ReplyDeleteIt was a crumpled, brittle, yellow mass. It was a used condom.
ReplyDelete"It's from our first time," he said, "Our first time with anybody. I saved it through the years."
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OFFICIALLY my new favorite abcotd EVER. EV-fuckin-ER.
People people people, PS: How do we KNOW that it was ACTUALLY the condom they used when they first fucked? Shit, I can imagine a guy grabbing a used condom out of his trash can from earlier in the week, putting it in a box, and saying that it's their Virginity Condom in the hopes the girl gets all soft and liquidy and gets freaky with him in her car in the parking lot.
ReplyDeleteI would have busted out laughing hysterically, called him a psycho, and left quickly.
Maybe it was glow in the dark with peace signs on it. She'd remember that.
ReplyDelete