Always Include a Stamp

Story Submitted by Kyle:

Maria handed me what seemed to be a sealed greeting card when we met.  I was touched, but she warned me, "Don't open it until after the date's over."

The date went well.  Nothing out of the park, and I was a little disappointed to see that she was about 30 pounds heavier in person than her online photos made her out to be.

After we parted for the night, I opened the card.  It was a questionnaire/reply card kind of thing with ten questions.  Among them were: "On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your performance on the date?"  "If there was one thing that you could have done better over the course of the date, what would it be?"  "On a scale of one to ten, how attractive was I?"  "If things didn't go well, do you have any friends who you think would be a better match for me?"  "What do they do and how much do they make?"  "What is their contact information?"

And of course, the best part of all: "Please mail this back to me at the following address (stamp not provided)."

I was unimpressed, even though I'm sure she thought it was cute.    Of course, I didn't mail it back.  After two weeks, a text arrived from her: "Hey did you receive my reply card?  Just checking."

I texted back, "Yes."

She called.  "Hey Kyle, did you mail the reply card yet?  I have a hundred percent return record on them and I wanted to keep it."

I said, "I don't think it's right for me to have to add my own stamp."

She said, "That's just to keep it fair.  I can't go giving out stamps to every guy I go on a date with.  That would cost me hundreds of dollars a year."

I laughed.  "Hundreds?  I'm sure you mean closer to ten or so."

"Eww," she said, and hung up on me.  Then, a text arrived, "Send me that reply card, please."

That was about five years ago and up until a few months ago, she'd text me about once a week to remind me to return the reply card.  The messages were always insistent, yet polite.  I haven't returned it (partly because I lost it a few years back) and I'm not sure why she stopped contacting me about it.  Either way, I'm not complaining.