Mother Nature Plays Dirty

Story Submitted by Maria:

Andrew wrote me over a dating website and he was a nice change of scene from the usual round of "what's your bra size," "do you do oral on a first date," and "marry me and make me a U.S. citizen, I live overseas."

He asked me out on one of the first really nice days of the year, and took me out to dinner at a nice, local restaurant.  I offered to split the check with him, but he insisted on paying for everything.  We had some wine, and generally, I'd say, we had a good time. 

We looked at the dessert list, but eventually decided against ordering anything extra.

Afterward, we went on a walk and strolled into a quiet suburban area when I turned to him and said, as a joke, "You wish we had split one of those desserts, don't you?"

He said, "Well, the place is known for their tiramisu."

I said, "Want to go back there and split one at the bar?  My treat."

He stopped walking, smiled, and said, "Sure."  I turned back towards the direction from which we came.

Then he did something that changed everything:

He turned and smashed right into a tree.

He cried out and held his head.  I asked him if he was okay.

"No!" he shouted, "What the fuck?"  He kicked the tree and pounded it with his fists.  "Who put this fucking tree here?"

I stepped back, suddenly freaked out by his behavior.

"Who put you here?" he yelled at the tree.

I said, "Probably the city?"

He pointed to the closest house, a brick one up a short yard.  "No, it's them.  The people whose house the tree is in front of.  They're responsible."

He strode up the yard and pounded on the door.  I stepped even further away, down the block, mortified.

He kept pounding on the door, and I heard an angry, older man's voice yell, "What the hell are you doing?"

Andrew said, "Your fucking tree hit me in the fucking head!  I want damages!"

The man said, "I'm calling the cops."

"I want damages!"

A door slammed.

I took off before Andrew could find me.  I couldn't believe what an idiot he was.  The whole time back home, I wondered if he'd text, call, or follow me.

He did none of those things, and I guess he got the hint that I never wanted to see him again after that stunt.