Story Submitted by Linda:
Before our first date, Jeffery warned me, "I'm an obsessive list-maker. It's the only way for me to remember stuff."
This didn't strike me as too strange. Yet.
When we sat down to dinner, Jeffery handed me a folded piece of paper. I opened it up.
It had two lists, each with a heading. The list on the left said, "What's Hot," while the list on the right said, "What's Not."
The "Hot" list listed "kissing, going Dutch, talking, love, holding hands, fucking, oral sex."
The "Not" list included "bugs, getting fat, the dark, whiny bitches, death, stds, if you've had a lot of ex-boyfriends."
I handed the list back to him and said, "I'll keep these in mind."
He said, "That's for you to keep. I have the original on my computer. The more things you do that are on the 'hot' list, the more I'll like you."
I scanned the list again. "I think I can handle 'going Dutch' and 'talking.' Some of these other things might have to wait."
He said, "Ooh. Guess I might have to put you down as a 'whiny bitch,' then."
I glanced at the list once more and said, "Why stop there? We can include 'death,' too."
That shut him up for a good, long while. I think that we had both thrown in the towel at that point. Who makes a list like this?
Now I can respect a list, it's just about the only means for me to remember something as well.
ReplyDeleteBut regardless of what she says to you, calling a woman a whiny bitch definitely ensures the lack of either the last two things on the "Hot" list.
I thought that I was an obsessive list maker - but my lists only apply to things I'm supposed to do; not other people. I guess I'm just an average list maker instead.
ReplyDeleteI'm great at making lists. Finding them again is another thing...
ReplyDeleteDude, way to be a pushy ass. (That's on my Not list, btw.)
This sounds like one of those mushroom email stories that somehow saw the light of day.
ReplyDelete"Makes me want to stab them in the eye with an icepick"
ReplyDeleteI think that comes under both 'death' and 'the dark'