E-mail Submitted by Celine:
I've sowed my wild 'oats long enough. I'm looking to settle down with a nice cool lady.
I've gotten laid left and right the past fifteen years (even when I don't want to! LOL) and I want a relationship that leads to what all women want: marriage.
Sounds weird coming from me, I suppose. Or maybe from any guy. But let me explain myself. I finally know what it means to be in the arms of someone and have you mean nothing to them. It is how all women feel at one time or another and having felt it myself once or twice I have to admit that it feels pretty bad.
That's why I propose (not a marriage proposal, we haven't met yet! LOL) a meeting, not even a date between you and I. We'll take it slow, learn about each other, talk to each other, and figure things out one day at a time.
I'm pretty easy to get along with. but I like skin on skin on a cool morning. Even without sex. Surprising to hear from a guy I know. But I'm not like most guys *wink/grin*
Time flies,
Derek
"I'm not like most guys" Guys who are like most guys tend to say they aren't. And the capitalized LOLs, is this guy really laughing out loud, does anyone?
ReplyDeleteTime flies.
I've gotten laid left and right the past fifteen years (even when I don't want to! LOL).
ReplyDeleteHe should just come out and say it.
I've been raped LOL.
Time flies.
So contrived... Why do these toolbags try so hard... desperation? "I'm not like most guys" and "I like skin on skin" are contradictory statements too.
ReplyDelete"I'm not like most guys"
ReplyDeleteThe fact that you mentioned how often you got laid automatically makes you like most guys. I'm surprised he didn't put another goofy "LOL" at the end of that sentence!
I know Jared changes the names, but that sounds almost exactly like a Derek I dated in high school. Only he usually fucked fat girls behind Denny's dumpsters because he had low self-esteem. Obvs why I broke up with him after a month.
ReplyDeleteIn other news, yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. What an email.
What a great email! LOL
ReplyDelete^ Nikki...if he fucked fat chicks behind a high end restaurant OR what about thin chicks behind an IHOP..would this change the low self esteem issue? Just curious.
ReplyDeleteIt really bothers me when men use blanket statements like, "all women have felt that way" or, "what every woman wants - marriage"
ReplyDelete-- Any intelligent woman would see that as a red flag, Derek.
A
great
big red flag
with the words "KNOW-IT-ALL JACKASS" stamped on it.
so skeezy my eyes will never be clean again.
ReplyDeleteTime flies.
ReplyDeletea) WTF is with this "time flies" thing? What did I miss?
ReplyDeleteb) Howie, his mom used to regularly tell him that he should have been an abortion. He used to have to sleep literally under the stairs right near the ferret cages and the cat litterboxes. I'm pretty sure he could bone skinny girls behind classy restaurant dumpsters and still be pretty fucked up. :P
"Wild 'oats"? What does the apostrophe represent? Wild boats? Wild goats? Inquiring minds want to know.
ReplyDelete