Stay for a Bite

Submitted by Keith:

I still carry a scar from Julianne. Literally. We met at a dance party at a bar, and let me tell you, she was one of the hottest women I had ever seen. Every move was graceful, every smile made my heart flutter. "She's out of your league," I thought to myself, "But that's never stopped you before."

We danced, I bought her a drink, and we danced some more. By the end of the night, I had scored her number and a kiss.

I offered to pick her up at her house for our first date. When I arrived, she invited me in, closed the door, pulled me toward herself, and gave me one of the most deep, passionate kisses that I've ever had the pleasure of experiencing.

She kissed down my neck, and I felt a sharp, jolting pain right where she was kissing me. She had bitten me. "Ow!" I jerked back.

"What's wrong?" she asked, as if she didn't remember two seconds ago.

I asked her not to bite me again, she apologized, and we went right back to business.

Before I knew it, she nipped me again. Same place. Hard.

I pulled away. "Hey... please!" I said, touching my lower neck to see if there was any damage.

"Most guys like that," she said, "And it's a huge turn-on for me."

"Yeah, when it's not meant to hurt. You're seriously biting into me, here."

She apologized again and we continued kissing.

It was probably a mistake, as I realized only too late. She bit me again, and this time, drew blood.

"God damn it!" I yelled, and yanked away.

She stared at me, with the smallest drop of blood on her lips, and then started laughing. Laughing! Hysterically! She couldn't even catch her breath!

I had had enough. I went to her bathroom, locked the door behind me, found some rubbing alcohol and gauze, and dressed it as best as I could. She knocked at the bathroom door, but I ignored her, seeing as how I had the little matter of a human bite on my skin to address.

I exited the bathroom and she embraced me immediately. "Aw baby," she said, "Did mommy take away your penis?"

My freaked-out meter spiraled into overdrive. I was done with this girl. She pulled me in and stuck her tongue in my ear, but I was intent on leaving.

I told her that I had to go. She protested and offered to put a movie on, make popcorn, make out some more, anything.

I left. The next day, I wrote her a message to tell her that I didn't think that we were a good match. She wrote back a long e-mail, trying to convince ms otherwise. Weird. If so many guys, as she said, had no problem being chewed on like man-jerky, then I wouldn't think that she'd have any trouble finding someone new.